Let’s Cross That Bridge When We Get to It*

Our human awareness and conditions have changed subtly in the last few centuries. For millennia our focus on the future was mostly the next few days, or at best the coming seasons. To speculate about tasks or problems beyond the next year was rare.

Today we live in what is called a delayed-return environment, where much of our anxiety and hopes are about real or imagined problems that may take weeks, months, or years to appear—or may never occur at all. Our ancestors worried about their next meal or the chance of a wild animal nearby. Today we get caught up in loops of worrying and endless speculation about events far in the future. The dangers of our forefathers are not our agenda anymore.

Our measures of uncertainty, control, and risk are no longer about the immediate future but about distant times. We are so blessed but still manage to get more anxious and agitated than our caveperson ancestors. With so little real danger we manufacture misfortunes that are only remote possibilities, delayed for months or years before they may or may not happen.

The Stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations:
Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.

Restated, we imagine challenges far ahead and wonder if we will prevail. But the way we manage today is the same way we will manage tomorrow. If our tools of reason work today, they will work later. If they are weak now, the answer is not to fear tomorrow but to improve our coping abilities today.

Often we waste energy worrying about the weather for next year’s holiday or the value of retirement funds. We fight tomorrow’s battles today, and we lose awareness by not being present in the moment. We try to control and manipulate the future now. Yet most of these imagined events are outside our control, dependent on many other happenings, and their chance of ever occurring is remote.

If we can manage our present “bridge crossings,” then future bridges will likely be handled too. Improving how we meet today’s circumstances is the best training for later concerns. What are you learning now from your current successes and misfortunes? These are the lessons and skills that will help you through delayed-return environments months and years away. When those future bridges come, you will probably have the strength to cross them.  Rather than becoming anxious about tomorrow’s bridges, build beautiful resilient and strong bridges today and enjoy the views as you cross.

There will always be bridges to cross in the future. But we also cross bridges today. Better to cross today’s bridges today and leave tomorrow’s bridges for tomorrow.

*:  Inspired by "Meditations for Mortals" by Oliver Burkeman

Values, Purpose and Wellness

Being well and happy are powerful aspirations for a proper life, something we all likely strive for. But is being well and happy even possible? What does it mean to be joyful and well? Does success cause happiness, or is it the other way around? Is there a catalyst to make this blissful state of being more attainable?

This mystery has puzzled me for years, and I am going to venture a way forward. I propose that the porthole to a joyful life is through one’s values. I have noticed that when I am doing things that perfectly or closely align to my values, those internal metrics that I prize, then I am in a state of happiness and wellness. I just feel right. I am where I want to be, and there is energy in my being. I feel valuable, I know I am not lost.

When what I am doing has limited connection to my values, or I am just going through the motions of existence, then wellness is not on my emotional map. I feel somewhat hollow and empty. Life is disconnected from those core values that make me tick, and my spirit is deflated.

So, what are your core values—those ideas and principles that most give you purpose and fulfilment? When times are difficult, where internally do you look for meaning and purpose? Unfortunately, identifying these core values seems to be something one does not do until later in life. Is it a surprise that for most people it is not until their fifties that they become values-focused? And with this awareness, wellness generally improves.

Values are not the same as goals. A goal is a concrete, finite thing that you can work towards. Once you achieve it, that is the end point. Then you have to look for the next goal. A goal might be passing an exam, ticking everything off your to-do list, or running a personal best. Values are not a set of actions that can be completed. Values are a set of ideas about how you want to live your life, the kind of person you want to be, and the principles you want to stand for.*

If life is a single lifelong journey, then values are the guardrails that guide you along that pathway. Without values, it is unlikely that wellness can occur, as you have only an absolute location on your life journey as measured in days and years, but no sense of whether where you are is where you want—or ought—to be. You are lost, and that sense severely limits happiness and wellness. Values give you a foundation for your attitude, guidelines for the choices you make, and they match your actions with your true you.

When we don’t have clarity on our values, we can set goals based on what we think we should be doing, others’ expectations, or a guess that once we achieve that goal, we will finally be enough—we can finally relax and be happy with who we are. One major flaw with this is that it puts rigid parameters around the conditions in which you can be content and happy. It also places life satisfaction and happiness all in the future.*

Once you have your core values selected and prioritized, your life purpose becomes clearer, and you are well on your way to wellness.

*:         Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Julie Smith

Below is a list of values that Julie Smith provides.  Are these your values?  Which five or six summary you?

Accepting        Adventurous    Ambitious        Bravery           Caring Compassionate     Connection      Creativity       Curiosity         Daring     Dependable   Determination              Enthusiasm            Fairness           Faith     Flexibility        Gratitude         Honesty         Independence  Kindness            Loving         Loyalty      Open-mindedness        Patience           Present        Professionalism       Reliable        Respectful       Self-aware       Sincerity          Spirituality       Strength            Sustainability   Trustworthy     Understanding

Values or Value?

Maybe I’ve just been around too long—or maybe I’m a grumbling oldster—but something important has changed in society, especially around wellness. After over forty years teaching in universities, I’ve noticed a subtle rewiring in learners. They’re more ambitious, but also somehow hollowerand less interesting.

Years ago, money mattered—but so did other things. Now, money—or the lack of it—seems to overwhelm everything, from personal conversations to national headlines. The business section used to be just one part of the news. Sports, local events, and culture felt more central. Now it’s all GDP, taxes, budgets, interest rates.

Mark Carney captured this shift well in his 2021 book Values: How to Fix Our Politics, Economics and Values. He writes:

“Values and value are related but distinct… Values represent the principles or standards of behavior… Value is the regard that something is held to deserve – the importance, worth or usefulness of something. Both are judgements. Increasingly, the value of something… is equated with its monetary value… The logic of buying and selling… increasingly governs the whole of life—from healthcare to education, public safety, and the environment.”

This macro shift—from values to value—captures the core change I’ve been noticing. Values are about relationships, wellness, ethics, and a sense of fairness. They help define what feels right. Value, on the other hand, is highly transactional—what’s in it for me? Will I be better off? Can I make a profit or will I prosper? It’s about monetizing almost everything: what’s this worth, can I gain financially from it?

Where values measure emotional merit, value asks how much. When values played a bigger role in daily life, we lived in a market economy—supply and demand mattered, yes, but so did other things. Prices existed, but we also considered morals and meaning.

Now, it feels like we’ve slid into a market society, where almost everything has a price tag. Self-interest dominates. The monetization of relationships, institutions, even identity, is overwhelming—and it's stripping away ethical, spiritual, and moral weight.

Donald Trump isn’t the only transactional figure—just the loudest. Unfortunately, he’s not unusual. This value-focused, monetized, selfish society isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s dangerous. Do your best to resist it and stay in a market economy and resist the urge to become part of a market society. Be mindful. Choose your relationships—and your values and what you value—carefully.

Note, inspired by Mark Carney’s book   Values: How to fix our politics, economics and values: Building a Better World for All

Breaking Things

There’s a common saying: “If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.”  It’s a safe and convenient strategy—but not one that works well for me. I prefer a different version: “If it isn’t broken, break it, or take it apart”  When I see something functioning properly, it instinctively sparks my curiosity. Why does this work so well? What hidden principle or clever quirk is it taking advantage of? And more importantly, where else could this clever or unique idea be applied?

Thomas Edison once said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Similarly, Albert Einstein advised, “Make mistakes. A person who never made a mistake never did anything new.”

There’s no shortage of successful people who attribute their progress to trial, error, and experimentation.

Breaking things—metaphorically—to see if they can be improved is about exploring, failing, and learning. Stirring a cocktail of how, why, failure, and wonder into our routines keeps us actively engaged in the present moment. When we examine the sequence of steps in a task and ask whether each one is necessary, or whether they could be reordered or simplified, we invite insight. If the experiment doesn’t work, we’ve still learned something—and might just need to break it differently next time. Interestingly, as we engage more deeply with a task, we often gain not only efficiency but also a greater sense of ownership.

If you look at the lives of high achievers or listen to their advice, you’ll find a common theme: failure, setbacks, and missteps. But they keep experimenting, learning, and adjusting. They set challenging but achievable goals, expecting failure along the way. In this context, failure doesn’t block progress—it enhances it. Whether an experiment succeeds or not, both outcomes offer the chance for awe, insight, and growth.

So go ahead—break, or at least tinker with, one of your rituals. See what happens when you make it new.

Moving from Success to Significance

Alan Watts wisely said,
“No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.”

Too often, we postpone living. Many people spend their working years imagining that retirement will suddenly unlock joy, purpose, and fulfilment. In doing so, they risk undervaluing their present life—especially those busy years spent raising children or pursuing career goals. They place life on hold, hoping that meaning will magically emerge once the work chapter ends.

Bob Buford, in his thought-provoking book Halftime: Moving from Success to Significance, offers a more empowering perspective. He suggests that retirement satisfaction isn’t something you stumble into—it's something you build. His core idea? The first half of life is often about achievement and success. But eventually, those external milestones lose their motivational spark. Without deeper purpose, success can start to feel empty.

Peter Drucker added another key insight:
“Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things.”

It’s a simple but profound distinction. Being productive isn't enough—we also need to feel purposeful.

Taken together, these reflections point to a vital truth: meaning doesn’t begin at retirement—it begins now. Living with purpose in the present moment is what fuels a more satisfying life, both before and after we leave our formal careers behind.

Three core elements of the PERMA well-being model—Engagement, Meaning, and Achievement—are all amplified when we pursue purpose with intention. That purpose may not be tied to your job title, but it may well draw on your skills, passions, and lived experience in surprising ways.

So, why wait? Begin now. Live with a sense of purpose that uplifts you today and carries you into the future. When purpose becomes your compass, work and retirement no longer sit on opposite sides of life—they begin to merge into one rich, rewarding journey.

Confidence—Results or Effort?

Confidence is a highly valued aspect of well-being—the ability to feel assured in yourself without being overbearing. There are at least two common strategies for developing confidence: one focused on results and achievements, the other grounded in effort.

Consider a university student preparing for a final exam. The results-oriented learner believes that achieving a top grade is all that matters. They cram the material, obsess over knowing everything—down to the obscure topics—and aim to perform with speed, precision, and expertise. But because they can't control the exam itself, they often compensate by overworking, stressing out, and anxiously pacing outside the exam hall. Ironically, despite recognising the importance of confidence, their approach tends to erode it.

By contrast, the effort-oriented learner takes a different path. They begin by creating a study plan, assessing their strengths and weaknesses, and consistently applying themselves through useful, targeted learning. Their belief is simple: if they’ve put in their best, most honest effort, then they can have confidence that the results will reflect that. They focus on what they can control—their preparation—and trust the outcome, whatever it may be. Whether they succeed or fall short, they reflect, learn, and grow. Over time, this mindset strengthens their self-assurance, as they witness the relationship between effort and improvement.

Now imagine you're heading into a job interview, meeting a new client, preparing for a driving test, or starting a new relationship. In each case, confidence can significantly affect the outcome. You can either obsess over the result or invest fully in your effort. The latter is far more empowering—and much more within your control.

As Henry Ford said,

“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”

Believing in your effort nurtures real confidence. By striving to be the best version of yourself through genuine effort, you build resilience, self-belief, and well-being. Focus too much on the result, and you risk losing all three.

Third Best*

Some people are perfectionists, but I am definitely an imperfectionist. Getting something about 95% right, complete or fitted is good enough for me. I’m good at painting a wall or ceiling, but getting the trim perfect is well beyond my pay grade (not to mention the spills, which end up everywhere). Despite the imperfections and minor flaws, I get a strong sense of accomplishment and manage to complete a lot of projects and tasks.

Being okay with the fact that I have limitations—and that I am a finite, flawed, constrained, and average human being—gives me immense joy and peace. That doesn’t mean I don’t push myself to improve; rather, it empowers me to be more ambitious, to learn from my mistakes, and to let go of perfection or the pursuit of 99% excellence. Being more easily satisfied, yet keen to experiment and grow from my errors, builds confidence and encourages an urge to explore new opportunities or try something different. In most cases, good enough is actually very good—and often beyond the reach or criticism of many people. There will always be weaknesses or mistakes and opportunities for others to complain or improve, but there are even more chances for praise and thanks.

If perfection is about getting the best solution or being first, then imperfecting is about being third best. Imperfecting means deliberately practising being okay with imperfection and accepting your flaws. What I’ve observed is that “first” or “best” rarely occurs, “second best” is often late and takes too long to achieve, and “third best” is actually timely and quite excellent in most ways—with only me noticing the mistakes. At an Olympic award ceremony, it’s been noted that the bronze medallist is generally pleased with themselves and far more content than the silver medallist.

As wonderful as the notion of optimising is in economics and finance, living in a state of satisficing and imperfection is peaceful, confidence-building, and aspirational. The smaller-cup lifestyle is about continually trying to get a little better, making improvements, and savouring your third-best accomplishments.

Welcoming your finite, flawed, limited nature is empowering. And if you keep up your third-place successes, they eventually become better than the “best” finish you once aimed for.

*Inspired by "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown

Emotions, Solutions (or Just Listen)

Sometimes I ask someone how they’re doing, and they really open up—the emotional kind of open. Highs, lows, worries, old wounds. And without thinking, I start offering advice. “Here’s what you should do…” or “Maybe try this…” It’s meant to be helpful, but it often lands flat. The person goes quiet, or their energy dips. I’ve learned the hard way—they weren’t asking for solutions. They just wanted to be heard.

You’ve probably seen this play out too.

Some people need to talk things through—not to be fixed, but to be felt with. Just speaking the words out loud helps them clear space inside. They’re not looking for advice, just someone to sit with them while they release the pressure.

Others only open up when they’re hoping for guidance. They’re already running through options in their head and want help sorting it out. When they speak, they’re inviting input.

Neither is right or wrong. It’s just how people are wired. But it gets tricky when the person listening assumes the wrong thing. That’s where the trouble starts.

So how do we find our footing?

First, by really listening. Not just waiting for our turn to speak—but actually tuning in. Are they using words that reflect emotion? Or are they focused on the practical side of things? Pay attention to their pace, their tone, their cues. And before jumping in, ask a simple question: “Would you like some thoughts, or should I just listen?” That one line can change everything.

And if you’re the advice-giving type (I know I am), the hardest part might be biting your tongue. But trust me—most of the time, what people need isn’t a solution. It’s a safe space. A little quiet. A nod of understanding.

Because talking helps. Being heard heals. And sometimes, that’s more than enough.

So here’s the heart of it:

LISTEN CAREFULLY, SAY LITTLE, LET GO OF JUDGEMENT AND ASK IF ADVICE IS USEFUL BEFORE GIVING IT.

Multi-Tasking and Listening

Can we really do two MEANINGFUL things at the same time? Not just walking and chewing gum—that’s easy. But something like having a real conversation with a friend while planning tomorrow’s big to-do list in your head. Or trying to solve two proper problems at once. It sounds impressive in theory, but in practice? Not so much. Usually, both things end up done halfway, and you’re left feeling scattered.

For a while, multi-tasking had a bit of a golden glow about it. People wore it like a badge of honour. The more tasks you could juggle, the more capable and productive you seemed. But lately, that thinking is starting to shift. More and more, we’re beginning to realise that doing lots at once often means doing nothing particularly well.

Turns out, the brain doesn’t actually multitask the way we thought it did. It flicks back and forth between things, which leaves us with split attention and not much depth. That kind of scattered focus isn’t just inefficient—it’s exhausting. You’re not really present with any of it.

And nowhere is this more noticeable than in our conversations. Listening—truly listening—is one of the most generous things we can offer someone. But how often are we fully tuned in? Not glancing at our phone, or thinking about what we’ll say next, or ticking off a mental list while nodding politely. Just properly being there.

It's hard work, being that present. And it matters. Often, how closely we listen reflects how much we value the person we’re talking to. Next time you’re in a chat, try checking in: Am I here? Or am I just filling the silence until it’s my turn to speak? Am I trying to be interesting, or trying to understand?

These questions can be a bit uncomfortable, sure. But they’re worth asking. I know I’ve got plenty of room to grow. Some days I do better than others. But I’m trying.

Because one thing I’m learning—slowly—is that doing one thing with care and presence beats doing five things halfway. Especially when it comes to the people who matter.

One conversation at a time. That’s more than enough.

*: Travis Bradberry, Ph.D. Multitasking Damages Your Brain and Your Career, 2014 TalentSmart® www.talentsmart.com.

Success, Habits, Failures and Learning

After years of watching learners, one thing stands out: people handle mistakes in very different ways. Some—more so in recent times—tend to hang back, only doing what’s asked, careful not to step out of line. They play it safe, sticking to the edges, afraid to get it wrong. Others dive in, give it a go, and get things mostly right—about seventy percent of the time.

And here’s the interesting bit: it’s those who try, even when thirty percent of what they do doesn’t quite land, who usually come out ahead when it really counts—grasping the first principles and the logic behind the task, not just the surface.

When we get something right, we feel good—confident, capable. We remember the answer and repeat it next time, often without thinking much about it. That’s how habits form. It’s useful, especially in the short term. But getting it right doesn’t always mean we understand it. Sometimes, it just means we’ve learned to repeat a pattern.

Mistakes, on the other hand, ask more of us. They interrupt us. They invite us to pause, get curious. What went wrong? Why didn’t it work? That’s where real learning begins—not just doing but understanding. As the saying goes: success breeds habit, failure breeds learning.

Personally, I enjoy tinkering with new ideas just to see where they lead. Most of the time, things go partly right—but not quite as expected. Still, those moments are full of insight. I ask myself, “What did I learn? What was the tweak that caused the unexpected result? What if I tried it again, slightly differently—what would happen then?”

That’s where the growth lives—in letting go of the need to be perfect. Failing fast and often can lead to stronger skills and better outcomes, if we stop chasing the right answer and start tuning into the process instead.

Of course, getting something right is worth a quiet celebration. But getting it wrong—if you’re really paying attention—can be even better. The real loss isn’t failure. It’s hesitation. Sitting on the sidelines means missing out on both habit and learning. In the end, all you build is the habit of holding back. And that’s the one habit that’s hardest to unlearn.

How You Do the Small Stuff Matters*

It’s insightful to observe how you handle the small things in life. Consider some of your everyday activities — going to an appointment, cycling through town, or meeting a friend for coffee. In those moments, do you show up on time and keep your word? Are you courteous and patient, bringing joy and presence into your interactions? Do you finish what you start and take quiet pride in your efforts? Are you thoughtful, empathetic, and attentive to the details? Or do you find yourself falling into habits like impatience, rushing, or casual gossip?

What’s fascinating is how the way you do these small, seemingly insignificant things often reflects how you approach the bigger, more meaningful parts of life. Your behaviour in everyday situations tends to spill over into more important moments. If your conduct during routine events isn’t quite in line with how you’d like to be seen or remembered, it’s worth paying attention. Reputation isn’t just shaped by grand gestures or deliberate actions — it’s often built on the quiet consistency of how you carry yourself when no one’s watching.

Wherever you go, your natural self-shows up. Whether you're in a high-stakes situation or just having a quick conversation, your patterns reveal themselves. It’s not that you're different in big versus small situations — you're just more visible in one than the other.

A more approachable path to self-improvement is to begin with the small stuff. These are often automatic behaviours we don’t think twice about — but they still have consequences. Maybe it's your tendency to run late, to get irritated in traffic, to speak without really listening, or to say you'll do something and then not follow through. Choose just one of these reflexes and gently work on it. Don’t aim for perfection — just aim for progress. Reduce how often it happens. Maybe, over time, stop it entirely. And when you notice yourself improving, give yourself quiet credit. That kind of self-awareness and follow-through builds confidence and trust — both in yourself and from others.

It’s also important to recognise what you’re already doing well. There are likely plenty of moments when you are reliable, kind, present, or honest — and those count. Let yourself feel a quiet sense of pride. That’s not arrogance — that’s healthy self-regard. Pride, after all, is one of the ten core positive emotions, and we can cultivate it by acknowledging our small, everyday wins.

So, here’s a powerful reflection: who do you aspire to be — and what small actions would that version of you take? How would they handle the ordinary moments? What habits would they leave behind, and which ones would they strengthen? Begin there. Begin small. Because, in truth, it’s the small things that shape everything.

How you do anything is how you do everything.*

*: How To Live An Extraordinary Life by Anthony Pompliano

What Is Wealth?*

Wealth is often perceived solely in terms of financial assets, but this perspective is both simplistic and limiting. Let's explore a broader, more nuanced understanding of wealth.

Consider 94 year old Warren Buffett, whose net worth is approximately $130 billion (2024). Now, think about the concept of time as a form of wealth. A person in their twenties has an expected remaining life of around two billion seconds; someone in their fifties has about one billion seconds; and at my age, I have roughly three hundred million seconds left. Each are billionaire (except me). Who is wealthier in this context? Would Warren Buffett trade his billions for the time that younger individuals possess? This thought experiment illustrates that financial wealth is just one dimension of a multifaceted concept.

In reality, wealth encompasses various forms, including:

1. Financial Wealth: The monetary assets and resources one control.

2. Time Wealth: The availability of time to pursue meaningful activities and personal interests.

3. Social Wealth: The depth and quality of relationships and social connections.

4. Mental Wealth: One's psychological well-being and intellectual growth.

5. Physical Wealth: The state of one's health and physical fitness.*

6. Spiritual Wealth: A sense of purpose and alignment with one's core (soul) values. I added this one.

Each of these "accounts" contributes to our overall sense of prosperity and fulfilment. Focusing exclusively on financial wealth can lead to imbalances, potentially neglecting health, relationships, or personal growth. Conversely, nurturing these other forms of wealth can enrich our lives in ways that money alone cannot, but we will likely end up poorer but much the happier.

Achieving true wellness requires a holistic approach, recognizing and cultivating all dimensions of wealth. By maintaining balance across these areas, we can lead more fulfilling lives and avoid the pitfalls of overemphasizing any single aspect.

In summary, wealth is a multifaceted construct that extends beyond mere financial assets. By broadening our definition to include time, social connections, mental and physical health, and spiritual fulfilment, we can pursue a more balanced, joyful, prosperous and enriched life.  We can all be billionaires if we play our cards wisely and mindfully.

*: The 5 Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom

Is Success Mountain Climbing or a Journey?

Early in my career I thought of success like climbing a mountain. The peak stands tall, representing the big achievement, but is that really the whole point of the climb? Or is there something more to it? Over time, I’ve come to realise that the real treasure isn’t just reaching the top (as there is no ultimate summit) —it’s in the happiness and well-being we experience along the way.

So, let’s explore this idea together:

1. Does happiness come before success, or does it follow after?

2. If success is meant to bring happiness, does that feeling truly last once we reach our goal?

3. Can happiness itself make success more likely—and the journey a little easier?

For a long time, many of us have been taught that success leads to happiness. And yes, achieving some (financial) goal can bring a rush of joy—but it rarely last. Too often, as soon as we reach one peak, we spot another, taller one in the distance. Instead of taking in the moment, we find ourselves chasing the next big thing, caught in what’s known as the “hedonic treadmill”—always striving but never quite feeling like we’ve arrived.

But what if there’s another way? What if we chose to enjoy each step rather than waiting for happiness at the finish line? When we take time to celebrate small wins and appreciate the view along the way, the journey itself feels richer. We feel lighter, more energized, and success starts to feel less like a distant goal and more like a natural part of life. In fact, when we carry joy with us, we’re better prepared for the challenges ahead, as if we’ve packed an extra supply of strength and spirit for the road. Put another way, enjoying the journey resulted in success; joy proceeds and empowers success.

The best way to manage the temptation of the hedonic treadmill is to control our expectations and step onto it less frequently, with intention, care, and a clear goal—and just as importantly, an exit strategy. If we find joy in the journey, then success becomes a companion rather than a destination. And in the end, a well-lived life isn’t just about how high we climb—it’s about the stories we share, the laughter along the way, and the moments of wonder that make the journey truly worthwhile.

What is Thinking?

One day in primary school, there was a test—something they did back in the 60s. I was about ten, and the teacher posed the question, “What is the third request in the Lord’s Prayer?” Perhaps you know the answer, but that’s not really the point—test yourself if you like.

I was stumped. I felt insulted. I was angry at the teacher. Why? Because we hadn’t been asked to memorise the answer to this question. I felt like the teacher was cheating, breaking the unwritten learner-teacher contract. Their job was to tell me what to memorise, and my job was to memorise it.

After the test, but before the results were in, I stewed over this unfair, below-the-belt, unconstitutional conduct. It really got under my skin. Then the moment of reckoning came. The answer was, “Thy will be done.”

I mentally rehashed all the instruction we’d had on the Lord’s Prayer. We’d been forced to memorise it, recite it privately and as a class, write it down, and see it up on the blackboard. My word, had we memorised that material! I was practically an expert on the Lord’s Prayer at ten years old.

What amazed me was that if I’d just paused, re-ran the prayer in my mind, and counted on my fingers, the answer was right there in front of me. And that’s when it hit me—this was what thinking actually was. It was more than memorisation. It was what happens when you engage your mind and explore the uncertain mystery of whatever you are doing. And letting go of right answers.

I had met thought in school. Real thought. The kind that goes beyond the safe borders of what you’ve been taught and ventures into the unknown. And it was exciting. It was fun. It was totally personal and, dare I say, selfish? I was inside my own head. It was me. It was self-discovery in its rawest, most naive form.

That fascination with pondering stayed with me from the age of about ten, what a blessing. I became a thinking addict. Soon, I was perused the entire World Book encyclopaedia (a pre-Google, ancient summary of everything known to humankind at the time—about 20 volumes or roughly two metres of pages). I learned to channel my curiosity into something constructive, awesome and wonderful.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Epilogue: Sadly, sixty years later, and having been involved in university-level instruction for about forty years, I’ve seen that, unfortunately, a sizable minority of my learners have not had their “Eureka” moment—the realisation that they need to independently learn, ponder, engage and think. And with AI making thoughtfulness less necessary and easily outsourced, it feels like we are entering some very scary times.

Character or Personality?

I have been reading two books* on wellness and noticed a subtle but important difference in how the authors approach self-improvement. The Algebra of Wealth focuses on enhancing one’s circumstances by revisiting the values and paradigms that define a person’s character. It suggests that real change stems from these foundational attributes, shaping what is possible and where transformation should begin. In contrast, Atomic Habits presents various strategies for building constructive habits by modifying behaviours and personality. It proposes that small, tactical changes can lead to improvement, sometimes without deeply examining the root causes behind our behaviours.

Interestingly, The Algebra of Wealth recommends reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People* for further insights into self-improvement. The 7 Habits opens with a well-researched observation about how self-help literature has evolved. It notes that from around 1750 to 1950, self-improvement strategies focused on character and core values—what Stephen Covey calls the Character Ethic. This ethic emphasises Stoic virtues such as temperance, industriousness, diligence, fidelity, courage, integrity, humility, patience, and the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Covey explains:

The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.*

More recently, however, the focus has shifted to the Personality Ethic, where self-improvement is framed as making adjustments to how we present ourselves rather than addressing deeper personal growth. This approach suggests that external tweaks—such as learning persuasive techniques or appearing more confident—can be sufficient for success. In essence, it offers shortcuts to wellness and quick fixes to change.

However, research suggests that many of these adjustments (like crash diets) rarely lead to lasting change, and people often revert to old behaviours, often financially worse off. One of the earliest and most influential books in this new school of self-improvement was How to Win Friends and Influence People, which helped inspire an industry around personality-based success. Covey critiques this shift, noting:

Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive—encouraging people to use techniques to get others to like them, fake interest in their hobbies to extract favours, or use the “power look” to intimidate their way through life. Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success, but it tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic. Reference to the Character Ethic became mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies, communication skills, and positive attitudes.*

This raises an essential question: If self-improvement is to be real and sustainable, should change come from within (character), or should it be shaped by how we are perceived (personality)? While focusing on character is more challenging—it requires reflection, self-criticism, and a willingness to confront vulnerabilities—it is also far more likely to lead to genuine and lasting wellness.

The Algebra of Wealth: A Simple Formula for Success by Scott Galloway

Atomic Habits by James Clear

** The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

The Power of Intentions

Whether you think you can or

You think you cannot,

You are right!

Thank you, Henry Ford, for this insightful summary of how our thinking shapes our well-being. Ford, using intuition, observed what Sonja Lyubomirsky later confirmed through empirical research on well-being (1). Both noted that our intentions have a profound impact on our ability to flourish.

Lyubomirsky's findings suggest that around 40% of our well-being is influenced by our intentional thoughts and activities. The remaining factors? Fifty percent is largely determined by our genetic set points—our inherited traits that cannot be changed—while the final 10% is shaped by life circumstances, such as wealth, appearance, or social status.

If we decide, often unconsciously, that we are having a bad day, we are likely to prove ourselves right. Conversely, if we approach the day with a determined intention for it to go well, we greatly increase the likelihood of a positive experience. Try it: frame an upcoming event with an optimistic mindset. Chances are, it will be more joyful—or at least better—than if you had no positive expectations at all.

Having observed and assessed thousands of students sitting exams, I have seen a strong correlation between intentional preparation, attitude, and performance. The student who enters with confidence often leaves with a sense of accomplishment—and, later, a rewarding result. Those who approach the exam with dread and low expectations frequently find their fears confirmed.

Success or failure is rarely as random as we assume. Realistic intentions, coupled with thoughtful preparation, dramatically increase the odds of achieving our goals. By shaping our self-fulfilling prophecies with care and optimism, we set ourselves up for a future that aligns with our best hopes.

(1): Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, David Schkade, Review of General Psychology 9(2):111-131 · June 2005

Achievement and Your Calling

The notion of achievement has really got my fancy.  It seems to explain so much of my awesome life journey.  Somewhere in my early forties, my life fortunes seem to fall into place and stay that way. Particularly, achievement, engagement, purpose and calling joined up and my well-being almost permanently was improved.  Looking back, what brought all these circumstances together: it was achievement!

Sometime in my forties I began to enjoy significant career satisfaction: going to work was like going to play. The more time I was involved in my career, the more I enjoyed it.  I was in the FLOW for so many moments from when I left my home until I returned.  But what was it that brought such pleasure and purpose? It was the countless very small successes that happened every day.  Lectures became shows.  Learners were the audience.  The curriculum was the music and art.  Building lectures was my canvas.  Achievements were everywhere, and unconsciously many task I did become a chance to achieve and excel.  Even the most mundane task of marking exams became an art form where each script was an opportunity to impress me and let the learner shine.  Effort and talent were working together as a team. 

Purposeful opportunities were everywhere.  Encouraging my learners to understand better and more deeply became my educator goal.  Wondering why something made sense to me became a mystery adventure.  Imaging WHY became my mission statement.  My lectureship career became a calling.  The cycle of flourishing repeated itself and continues to this day.

I hope I don’t come across as boasting or proud, rather I am sharing the eureka of discovering why and how my calling evolved.  It was all about inventing baby step achievements such that the smallest task was a joy I savoured and a chance to do a little better. 

Many of us can harmonize our engagement, meaning (purpose), achievement and calling.  Want to upgrade your career to a calling? Use achievement as the catalyst.  Design micro achievement tasks and moments into your day and relish those successes.

Resumé or Eulogy?

During our career, we develop a C.V  that summarizes our employment skills and achievements.  This proudly exaggerates (let’s be honest) what we have done.  When you read your résumé, don’t you smile at some of those milestones along the way; how those early successes now look so minor, but at the time they were huge?  They all helped to get you to where you are today.

While you were accumulating all that experience and expertise, you were also crafting your eulogy. What a different text that is!  Rather than describing what you did or can do, it summarizes how you are remembered.  Rather than being framed as a human doing, a eulogy sees you as a human being: what were your endearing qualities, virtues and quirks that made you the person you were.  Your morals and values are the central pieces of your eulogy, not your wealth, education, or titles.

Your C.V and eulogy need not be in conflict: there is a wonderful synergy between the two if you keep your eye on the long term.  As you build your career, regularly compare your achievements against an ethical/morale code and see how they measure up.  What do these feats suggest about your character, integrity, wisdom, and judgement?  Fortunately, your past will come to bless (or haunt) you.  Keeping your eulogy in the back of your mind is a powerful self-correcting device to keep you on a better path.  Small upstanding actions early in your career will make your skill development more significant and remarkable. 

Smarter hiring and promotion strategies look for integrity first: you can always train someone to become more skillful.  Training someone to be honourable or virtuous does not work very well or easily, because it must come from within and naturally.  I will always prefer a person of average skill but strong ethics over a brilliant person with suspicious ethics.

Independent of your résumé, it is important to pause and imagine how you will be remembered.  What difference did you really make?  Will you be remembered for your kindness and selflessness, or will it be just the toys and the titles you acquired? And be mindful that the more joyful and redeeming your eulogy, the more purposeful and successful your actual career likely was. 

Curious?!?

The world and what you and I know about it is changing at an alarming pace. What we were taught seems to be less relevant or timely with each passing day.  How does one stay ahead or on top of what is current or useful? Additionally, just behind us is artificial intelligence, which is challenging our employment prospects. The standard response is lifelong learning.  I agree that lifelong learning is a useful defensive measure, but what might be a more effective offensive strategy?

Let’s use my area of expertise, financial accounting, as an example.  When I was learning my trade in the 70’s one could largely master most of the body of knowledge with a reasonable degree of diligence.  When I taught it, things began to change as more and more issues were raised and addressed, in an increasingly complex world.  Specialists emerged, where previously there were few areas of specialist expertise. Now that approach is falling short for the generalists and the specialists, as there is just so much information and not enough time to absorb it all.

My suggestion when confronting the challenges of the knowledge explosion and artificial intelligence is to apply our uniquely human quality of CURIOUSITY to the situation.  We need to risk being truly curious about whatever newness we are confronting.  Rather than being trained and re-trained, we must become fully engaged in the marvel of whatever new or novel learning confronts us.

To me, curiosity is the blending together of at least eight of the ten positive emotions being joy, savouring (remembering), interest, hope, amusement, inspiration, love and awe, applied to our area of expertise and life more generally.  Learning and knowledge growth is most effective when one is joyfully and actively engaged. Being curious means investing in order to grow and internally prosper. Artificial Intelligence will never be able to beat us on emotional curiosity.

Let’s use our “curiosity” advantage to our advantage.

The Genesis of My Reflections

Why did I start writing my reflections on January 2nd, 2019?  That is  a fair question.  Boredom, ego, money or feeling blessed?  I know it was  the latter. Over the course of my life there have been many people who have influenced me positively, but a few stand out in terms of these reflections. I have been blessed to meet three accidental influencers, and have had one epiphany, and I wanted to share these blessings.

The first influencer was Chris, in the early  Nineties.  Chris was a young, German, PhD candidate who seemed to be forever joyful and enthusiastic.  I was so impressed by Chris’s positive nature, and I surmised that his uplifting attitude was based on a deliberate choice: he decided he was going to have a  positive attitude, no matter what.  My take-away from Chris was that a large part of your wellness is determined by your intentions, by how you mindfully chose to feel, regardless of your circumstances.

The second influencer was Bill, in the early Noughties.  Bill was a learner that I mentored early in his career.  Bill subsequently became a very successful and influential accounting professional. Bill and I told each other that we had the best jobs in the world, given our natural disposition.  We had found our calling and had unreservedly bought into believing our employment was a complete, purposeful joy.  But what really influenced me was that Bill independently also uses the SMALLER CUP analogy.  The lesson of the smaller cup is that living out of a sense of gratitude and opportunity opens up immense possibilities of joy, excitement  and wonder.  It is about making our present moments and tomorrows feel bountiful and blessed.  It is very encouraging to meet a person who shares and affirms two of my core values.

The third influencer was Andrew, who I met in Hong Kong in 2009.  Andrew is a Christian brother who one day commented, “Johan, you just naturally (re)frame your  experiences into positive, hopeful  and joyful events.”  Andrew’s casual comment resonated with me, and for years I wondered why I  was instinctively my own positive spin doctor.  The moral of (re)framing is to train your mind to instinctively interpret your experiences in a positive, realistic and hopeful way.  Generally, the benefits of  positive (re)framing are very high, and the downside of increased optimism is extremely low.  Andrew’s influence was to inspire me to understand this reframing mindset and share it in these reflections.

The fourth and most profound influence occurred on a train somewhere in Brazil in 2007,  at the start of my 14 month epic travelogue all over the world.  For whatever reason, a short summary of my Christian faith came to me:  Let go, Let God, Let good.  If anything defines me and my disposition, it is this six word mantra.  The lesson learned is that letting go of control and letting a providential God who loves you take control will result in you being richly blessed, IF YOU LET HIM.  Restated, empower and accept goodness, and let go of selfish control and entitlement. 

For at least forty years, I have puzzled and pondered how to be enthusiastic, authentic and live life to the full.  At the very essence of my perspective on life are these four themes.  These reflections are an attempt to share the why and how of Johan and perhaps encourage you to ponder your own life reflections and lessons.

A question you may want to dwell on might be,  “Who or what defined and moulded me?”  Well worth  the ponder.

Shalom-Shalom (perfect peace)