Being well and happy are powerful aspirations for a proper life, something we all likely strive for. But is being well and happy even possible? What does it mean to be joyful and well? Does success cause happiness, or is it the other way around? Is there a catalyst to make this blissful state of being more attainable?
This mystery has puzzled me for years, and I am going to venture a way forward. I propose that the porthole to a joyful life is through one’s values. I have noticed that when I am doing things that perfectly or closely align to my values, those internal metrics that I prize, then I am in a state of happiness and wellness. I just feel right. I am where I want to be, and there is energy in my being. I feel valuable, I know I am not lost.
When what I am doing has limited connection to my values, or I am just going through the motions of existence, then wellness is not on my emotional map. I feel somewhat hollow and empty. Life is disconnected from those core values that make me tick, and my spirit is deflated.
So, what are your core values—those ideas and principles that most give you purpose and fulfilment? When times are difficult, where internally do you look for meaning and purpose? Unfortunately, identifying these core values seems to be something one does not do until later in life. Is it a surprise that for most people it is not until their fifties that they become values-focused? And with this awareness, wellness generally improves.
Values are not the same as goals. A goal is a concrete, finite thing that you can work towards. Once you achieve it, that is the end point. Then you have to look for the next goal. A goal might be passing an exam, ticking everything off your to-do list, or running a personal best. Values are not a set of actions that can be completed. Values are a set of ideas about how you want to live your life, the kind of person you want to be, and the principles you want to stand for.*
If life is a single lifelong journey, then values are the guardrails that guide you along that pathway. Without values, it is unlikely that wellness can occur, as you have only an absolute location on your life journey as measured in days and years, but no sense of whether where you are is where you want—or ought—to be. You are lost, and that sense severely limits happiness and wellness. Values give you a foundation for your attitude, guidelines for the choices you make, and they match your actions with your true you.
When we don’t have clarity on our values, we can set goals based on what we think we should be doing, others’ expectations, or a guess that once we achieve that goal, we will finally be enough—we can finally relax and be happy with who we are. One major flaw with this is that it puts rigid parameters around the conditions in which you can be content and happy. It also places life satisfaction and happiness all in the future.*
Once you have your core values selected and prioritized, your life purpose becomes clearer, and you are well on your way to wellness.
*: Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Julie Smith
Below is a list of values that Julie Smith provides. Are these your values? Which five or six summary you?
Accepting Adventurous Ambitious Bravery Caring Compassionate Connection Creativity Curiosity Daring Dependable Determination Enthusiasm Fairness Faith Flexibility Gratitude Honesty Independence Kindness Loving Loyalty Open-mindedness Patience Present Professionalism Reliable Respectful Self-aware Sincerity Spirituality Strength Sustainability Trustworthy Understanding