BEFRIEND YOUR ENEMIES

Enemies are dangerous, they are much less harmful as your less favourite friends.

 There are two important messages in this simple line. The loudest one is that the very idea of an ENEMY is bad for your well-being. Enemies consume your attention and energy, and distract you from your chosen path. Enemies invoke feeling of hatred, or wishing harm to another.

 Secondly, enemies can easily define you. Wishing or imaging vengeance undermines you and eventually this “enemy” captures you.  What is even more unfair is that this “enemy” may be unaware of your disdain, which make you the victim of your own anger, not them. 

 Yes, there are some people who are not my friend, and I would not choose to spend extra time with them, but hate them, NEVER.  I describe them as my least favourite people. Yes, it does says in the Bible to love your neighbor, but it does not say anywhere that you have to like them.

 A difficult but useful strategy I use when someone gets classified as my “least favourite person” is to actively mediate (or pray) for their well-being.  Yes, they may have offended me, but I find it easier to hope for their wellness than ponder their misfortune.  Projecting positive emotions on to my offender almost immediately allows me to let go of the offence that hurt me and move on.  Allowing that person or deed to get under my skin starts to define me, which only makes the injury or offence worse.

 So the next time a wrong or offence occurs to you, try to quietly wish the person well and feel compassion, not anger or hate.  It is much wiser to be defined by one’s own measures and choices, rather than be defined by the actions and opinions of others.  The best solution is to be able to define oneself on your own terms.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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HESITATION

Who doesn’t hesitate at least occasionally, if not often?  While in a warm shower, who wants to get out?  A few more minutes in bed?

“I should phone so and so.” “I should start the painting”.  We have all been there a hundred times. Joseph Addison wrote the often quoted line, “He who hesitates is lost,” yet we persist in our inability to move on or engage.

Hesitation is a combination of reluctance, fear and pleasure (short term,) prevailing over wellness (long term).  Hesitation is costly not only in lost time, but more importantly opportunities foregone.

One day I accidently came across the simplest, most effective and cheapest solution to the hesitation dilemma.  Mel Robbins coined The 5 Second Rule* and my, does it work.  When you are in one of those hesitation situations you simply say,

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO”

and you enact whatever you are delaying, fearful of, or debating.  Get out of the shower, bed, say hello, leave or whatever.  Mel got the idea from watching a rocket launch where they say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, LIFTOFF and so she launched her own career as a motivational speaker on overcoming hesitation. Why 5 to 1, not 1 to 5?  That is part of the success formula, as counting up has no limit but counting down does hit a limit, and you have no alternative but to go.

I have shared this effective remedy with others and it really works.  Soon you appreciate that over thinking, stopping, and second guessing yourself are just defense strategies to avoid your current situation.  And then you learn that whatever you are reluctant to do was actually not that bad – you just have to get started sometimes – and that is the hardest bit.

I heartily recommend the video link below for more inspiration:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSn-L9IXbOY

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO  and click the link above (I dare you).

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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You Experience Tens of Millions of People Every Day!

Look at whatever you are holding or using this very moment.  Perhaps it is a pen, a phone, a cup of coffee or an article of clothing.  How many people were directly involved in making that item, going right back to its basic raw material, assembly, transportation, trading and selling of these components and finished goods?  Then add those people indirectly involved in this item, those that had invented and assembled the tools required for its production.  And then add those involved in the various other supply chains required for that item to be in your hand this very moment.  Certainly tens or hundreds of thousands were involved in just this item, not to mention the many others things you interact with today. Added together just for today, I am sure well over 10 million people made your day happen. 

SO WHAT??!! Anyone who imagines themselves to be self-reliant and independent overstates their self-importance or significance.  We interact with all these people and need each other for our very existence.  Their effort, touch and presence allowed for your day. 

If you are interconnected with that many people every day, should you be selfish and uninterested in their wellbeing?  Or appreciate their input into your wellness?  You are so inter-connected with and in need of others that their well-being should be part of your mindfulness and concern. 

Being kind, thoughtful and respectful of others will make your life more human and meaningful.  Similarly, today tens of millions of people indirectly experienced you.  Wouldn’t it be nice if they acted kindly, thoughtfully and respectfully towards you?  Making others day and life better WILL equally improve your situation and condition. 

Truly, what goes around, comes round.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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WHAT ARE THE LIES YOU BELIEVE?

Unfortunately we are all cursed with at least a few limiting beliefs. 

 I’m NOT good/pretty/smart/strong/young/slim/rich ENOUGH!!

 We firmly cling to these beliefs without questioning their truthfulness, relevance or merit.  Many of these limiting beliefs are lies and mistruths which we nonetheless make true in our lives.  We act out these misconceptions of ourselves until they are realized and we become a more limited version of ourselves.

 These lies which limit our potential have two telling features the words NOT and ENOUGH. Each should be carefully disputed.  Unraveling the likely lies is very empowering.  Many things of interest in life are not black or white.  Perhaps you are not the best at something, or even that great at it, but that does not mean you are therefore terrible or poor: there is lots of scope for being below average, but still okay.  The word ‘enough’ is even more dangerous and potentially damaging.  Who decides what the standard is for a sufficient amount? 

 Carefully address those views of yourself which hold you back.  Are your views of your own ability too low, or your expectations of what is good enough too high?  Yes, eventually you will discover that there are certain skills or attributes that you are not blessed with and should probably not pursue: you cannot excel in everything.  Furthermore, if you have some legitimate limiting beliefs you ought to also have many more valid empowering beliefs.  A major part of my SMALLER CUP perspective is being aware and grateful for your gifts, whilst underplaying the importance or your shortcomings. 

 A rule I have used after taking my personal inventory is:

 Go with my strengths but MANAGE my weaknesses.

 A long time ago I identified and chose to believe in my gifts and abilities, seeking out opportunities to use them proactively and converting these blessings into by calling and employment.   By manage my weaknesses, I mean being mindful of instances where my weaknesses are potentially exposed and either behaving cautiously in that instance, or purposefully avoiding those situations, people and careers.

   Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Celebrate What is Right with Your Present Moment

How do you view a half full cup? Happy full, half empty or needing a smaller cup?

What matters is the point of view you bring to your present situation.  When you read the newspaper, visit a news website, or watch/listen to a news cast, you will notice that these tend to focus on what is wrong with our world.  Only the sports pages exalt our achievements, but then with a biased perspective. Sadly, the world seems addicted to this negative narrative and perspective, rejecting a more positive perspective as naïve or Pollyanna-like in nature.

Celebrate what is right with your situation; seek out the excellence, bounty and blessing within your present moment.  Change your point of view, change your lens of life, and seek out with the positive - RIGHT NOW!  One of the most wonderful aspects of looking for the positive is that there are many perspectives and ways to view each situation in a better light. Once you identify these, risk being in awe of them.  Don’t analyze these blessings with a critical eye and destroy the mystery, but rather enjoy them without the cynicism that seems to have invaded our cultural perspective.

While you are in the spirit of celebrating what is right with your present moment, reflect on those who you are close to, and acknowledge their good points and how they improve your present situation.  Be prepared to marvel and appreciate the good around you. 

For every wrong, failure or weakness you observe, deliberately look for an equal number of kindnesses and strengths to CELEBRATE.  This conscious reframing of your present moment will reward you with wellness.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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For further reflection:  Please do listen to the TEDx Talk by Dewitt Jones called “Celebrate what’s right with the world!” Well worth the 18 minutes of your time.

THE CAMP SITE RULE

The campsite rule is: When you leave the campsite, try to make it a little neater, cleaner, and better then when you arrived.  Take away a little more litter than is yours.”  

 Whereas I don’t camp much (almost never), I apply this rule to the community I live in.  The world is too weird, complicated, confused and often angry, but my local and immediate community does not have to be that way.  At the end of the day we spend at least 99% of our life in a very small, confined and intimate world of our home, local community and workplace. 

Rather than fretting too much about the unfairness of the geo-political world, why not focus a lot of your attention and effort on your rather small world and seek to make it kinder, friendlier and tidier.  Your nicer local campsite makes the larger world more tolerable and accommodating.                            

I have a habit of seeking out litter as I walk along; picking it up.  Smile at the clerks in the shops that you frequent.  Greet the bus driver with a Hello and say thanks when you get off.  Hold the door open in the elevator.  Help strangers who seem lost.  Give up your seat on the bus or train.  Let that car that is try to cut in, in. Seek out ways to make your neighborhood a better place. Start an uplifting and positive conversation with that person standing next to you. Your community is your campsite, deliberately make is a nicer and friendlier place.

 It may seem trivial and unimportant but, at the very least it makes you a little prouder and more positive about your world.  Curiously and wonderfully, over time your immediate surroundings will feel more like home.  And your example may inspire a few others, and that is how change happens.    

 Think globally but act locally.  Make your campsite more awesome. This is pro-active, community-based wellness in action.

  Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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The If and When Myth

“I will be happy IF” … “I will be happy WHEN” doesn’t work or happen.  You get the desired outcome, have elevated spirits for a few weeks, months or at best a few years and then you are right back to where you were earlier. 

This natural occurrence of returning to your natural set point of wellness is called the hedonistic treadmill or hedonistic adaption.  We are like the hamster on the treadmill running quickly but getting nowhere, stuck. Changes in circumstance have a short term pay-off and then this new situation becomes the new normal.  The adaption makes you inclined to aspire for new achievements which then undermines the joy of the current achievement.  And then comparison sets in, and we see others with more or better or newer rewards and we are back to square one.

For me, appreciating and observing this adaption process countless times tamed the shopper in me and changed me.  Now I savour a few very special and thoughtful gifts, experiences or purchases and regularly just pause to be so grateful for those blessings. A multi-function travel watch, blue tooth headphones that meet my unique needs, Bolivia, colourful sandals that can go anywhere; these are special things that ring my well-being bell.

Experiment with your IF and WHEN expectations for well-being.  How long did your joy persist? Have you already replaced that desire with a new or more lavish wish?  If that IF or WHEN had not happened, would you really be any less pleased?

Letting go of IF and WHEN is most liberating as it puts one into the present moment where there is no IF or WHEN, only now.  Not wanting or waiting for something to happen to be achieved or owned means you have enough, and perhaps even a surplus.  Practice savouring things with serenity, re-thanking others for their awesome gifts, or remembering/sharing those powerful memories and milestones but again.  Sure, it is fine to want an IF or WHEN once in the while, but not always or to the determinant of what you already are blessed with.  Wonderfully, gratitude will improve your spirits and defeat the treadmill. 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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For further reading, if you are interested just Google “Hedonistic treadmill”; there is no shortage of insightful sources for further insights here.

FOLLOWERSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP

There is so much discussion and focus on leadership and leadership skills. If one listens to this chatter one might think there was a shortage of able and honourable leaders and a leadership crisis.  If there is a problem, is it at the leader or follower end of the spectrum?  Likely a bit of both, but it might be useful and fair to look at the followership issue.  As in sports, does firing the coach necessarily solve a team’s poor performance for more than a game or two, or are the players the more likely culprit?

 

Most of us will forever be followers, and escape the challenge of being a senior leader.  Heads of organizations need to make complex trade-offs, absorb immense information, meet countless people, travel tirelessly and work significantly longer hours than we do. Are we being fair, objective or informed?

 If there are leadership skills, there are also followership skills.  Let’s start with giving the leader the benefit of the doubt: maybe we need to second-guess question them less often.  Let’s appreciate the complexity of the choices and trade-offs that have to be made.  Do we use the same scale when we evaluate our own behaviors?   What about the fact the boss does not have perfect information, and has to make judgement calls and predictions?  Is it reasonable that we have a tendency to assume those in authority as having less moral or ethical character then we have?  Using hindsight to second guess the superior’s decision can be a little harsh. Let’s accept the fact that leaders, like followers, are trying their very best given their natural limitations.

 I am not suggesting that we blindly follow leaders.  Rather it is accepting that often those in authority will make different choices than we might.  Where we disagree, let’s invest the effort to get as informed on the matter as we can, or else hold our fire. 

 Followership is a willingness to give up power for a higher collective good. Being an excellent subordinate is more than team work and collaboration.  It speaks to the notions of letting go of power, independence and finding internal resources to make the process of being led more agreeable. 

 Followership and fellowship share many common themes; that of being cooperative, tolerant, fair minded, inclusive and deferring to others for the good of the larger entity.

 Better followership will lead to improved fellowship (including with the leaders) for those accepting their leaders and their leadership.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Do unto Others as You would have Others Do unto You (The Golden Rule)

The Golden Rule of life is expressed in many cultures and religions as an essential part of living and being part of a more meaningful life.

Being more thoughtful and aware of others has immediate payoffs and instructive rewards.  Consciously holding the door open, giving up your seat, letting someone else speak, complimenting someone, letting that car in or helping someone with their luggage all trigger an immediate sense that you are mindful, thoughtful and in the moment.  Being altruistic is one of the blessing largely unique to human beings, something that defines our humanity.  Selflessness elevates one spirit the same way gratitude also does.  An easy and obvious way to implement the Golden Rule is to be of service to others. Added together, gratitude, selflessness and service compound their benefits in improved wellness.

Cultivating the habit of being more selfless opens you to being more aware of the kindness of others.  If you want your world to be kinder and more whole, start from within and project thoughtfulness; over time other will notice and reciprocate in random and wonderful ways.  Also, observe and acknowledge the kindness of others that you receive. The world is much kinder than you imagine but you have to look out for the many blessings we receive.

The corollary or part two of the Golden Rule is equally instructive. Don’t do unto others what you would have others not do unto you.  Not doing something is often harder to do as we have certain unhelpful habits and manners which are unwelcome or hurtful.

The reward of the Golden Rule is the gold it bestows on you; kindness, purpose, wellness and being part of a larger, more meaningful world.  Start causing the gold and cashing in.

And pray for the Ukraine and Russia to find an equitable solution to this cruel situation.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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NOW OLD

I have aged a bit since I was a youngster, one day at a time!  I can remember at the age of about ten wondering how I could possibly know as much as a twelve year old. How could my small brain hold any more information?  The same fear gripped me as I was finishing high school.  Fortunately it all worked out, and space was found for the new knowledge as it came.

As I got older (69), the notion of ageing forever amazed, puzzled and frightened me.  At twenty five, I imagined how ancient I would feel at forty.  At forty, I was sometimes the youngest person in the room and rather intimidated by my elders.  Along the way, I also speculated about whether this age must be my peak, and whether soon after everything would go downhill……. 

Can I share with you my personal truth? Those emotions and desires of so many years ago are dim compared to today; aging teaches you how to manage, maximize and savour situations.  I encourage you to replay a circumstance you are currently having, and re-live how you would have coped with a similar situation twenty years ago.

So, when I think of how old I am, I have decided that I am NOW OLD. Finally, after so many birthdays and years, I finally appreciate that there is only one age or moment that matters, and that is the present moment. 

Being NOW OLD means that dwelling on your age and aging is irrelevant, unhelpful and distracting.  The awesome thing about being alive is that only there is only one state of nature, the present, and every other time only exists as a memory or an expectation.  Start acting your age, which is NOW OLD.  Everyone else can also only live in their present moment, whatever page of their life journey they are currently in.

 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS

Here’s a frightening thought and fact - the average human has between 12,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day! Or between 500 and 3,000 per hour.  85% of our thought are negative, and 95% are repetitive (as in we had the same thought yesterday and again and again).

I used to think that me and my thoughts were the same and I was my thoughts.  Well, pick any number between 12 and 70 thousand thoughts per day, does that assumption sound reasonable?  Not really.  Our thoughts are just that, a less controllable response that is a reaction, observation, conjecture or feeling that comes out of the blue and goes nowhere.  Picking up on this fact there are two important insights.

First, whereas we cannot effectively or directly control our immediate thoughts, we are not helpless or hopelessI am my own THOUGHT POLICE!  When you watch a violent or disturbing movie, read about untoward events, willingly associate with troublesome individuals and guess what – these inputs become part of our thoughts and thought patterns.  Similarly if you mindfully seek out constructive and joyful circumstances then the frequency of unwelcome thoughts decreases and positive thoughts become more pronounced.

Second, whereas we are not our thoughts, we are our actions.  What you do is a reflection of who you are.  Watch your thoughts and note how some become actionable and others not.  What is that trigger between thought and action.  Observe it carefully.  Too often the trigger is the trade-off and tension between immediate pleasure and longer term and more permanent wellness.  Consider what urges you internally debate as you put the thought into a deed. Or what stops you from acting out a consider thought. Are you OK with these action monitors?

Taming so many thoughts is daunting assignment.  However, one can over time turn the tide positively by watching and managing your thought input diet.  Please actively monitor the medias (social, visual, print, audio) and ask whether this is a helpful or too many of the wrong thought calories. Healthier thoughts need healthier inputs and stimuli.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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THE POWER OF YOUR WILL

Have you noticed that some people have the determination of an ox (as the saying goes), and others give in to the smallest of temptations?   What distinguishes the one from the other is willpower.   Willpower is the power of your will and closely related to patience and deferred or delayed gratification.  Why are some so perseverant and others give in so easily? It doesn’t seem fair.

The psychologist and economist George Ainslie (specializing in drug addiction) visited the issue of willpower and wrote a fascinating book called “Breakdown of Will”.  He made the brilliant observation that willpower and self-control is the art of making the future appear much bigger and therefore more promising than the present or very near moment.  We all know about temptation and the dilemmas it creates in terms of indulging now or waiting; the trades-off between pleasure (short term) and wellness (longer term).

Ainslie used an example to highlight the willpower struggle.  In the distance you see a very tall building (long term goal or reward, well-being) but as you approach the high-rise it is dwarfed by a two story dwelling (short term reward or pleasure) such that the larger structure is obscured.  The willpower, temptation or addiction challenge is to focus on the taller building, even though for the moment it is not visible, and the immediate pay-off is right in front of you.  By being mindful of the larger but delayed reward one can confront temptation with resolve and the power of will.

Many of you may be familiar with the Stanford “marshmallow experiments” by Walter Mischel. In these studies, a child was offered a choice between one small reward immediately or two small rewards if they waited for a short period (approximately 15 minutes). In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by  SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index (BMI), and other life measures.  Young children with better will power, self-control, patience and deferred gratification skills were handsomely rewarded later in life.

The rewards of stronger willpower are immense; master the power of your will and pass the skill along to the next generation.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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FRIENDS AND DECISION MAKING

Imagine you have to make a major decision like choosing a life partner, a new job, or buying a home.  Behind all these opportunities is the same objective, being, will your choice improve your well-being?   You consider the pros and cons, costs and benefits, and worry yourself silly.  There is one problem in all this analysis, you are by design TOTALLY SUBJECTIVE and cannot reasonably make a proper conclusion.  Likely you will second guess yourself and lose your sense of perspective.  Here is where close friends or those with local knowledge can help you.  You have to ask the right person the right question.

 To start, don’t ask the obvious question which is, “Should I do x?”  This will make your advisor very reluctant to be candid, as they fear what they will say the wrong thing or they’ll be held accountable if you follow their advice and things go poorly.  In all likelihood you will get safe or evasive advice. 

 Instead, go back to the underlying issue, which is your well-being much later on.  Rather ask, “Do you think doing x will improve my happiness and well-being in a few years?   This is a more speculative question which the respondent can more honestly and helpfully answer.  That person can reply using their personal knowledge of you or the matter at hand. Likely their answer will help you consider areas you had not imagined. Most importantly, they are concerned about your well-being but are more objective, as an outsider can see sometimes appreciate the issues as it affects you better than you can. 

 Besides asking the better question, choose the right person to ask.  If it is a new job, ask someone who is familiar with the position.  Moving, someone who lives there already, etc.

 Too often when we make big decisions we focus on the most obvious aspects of the opportunity and forget that it those smaller quirks that will make or break your later well-being.  Yes, the view is amazing (pay great, person is beautiful), but what are the neighbors or parking like as this will influence your long term wellness more than an awesome vista (or more income).  Others are much better at seeing or imagining the longer term consequences of your choices on your happiness and their objective or informed input should be wisely welcomed.

 Remember to keep your cup gratefully smaller.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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I MAKE IT A HABIT TO BE……

Habits are a powerful tool to help (or undermine) your wellbeing.  A habit can be used as a vehicle to change your attitudes and improve your circumstances.  An effective way to program your mind is to complete the mantra: 

I make it a habit to be …………….*

 The missing last word is the idea or attitude you want to program into your daily rituals and awareness.  You might add: 

happy,  joyful, patient, grateful, loving

or whatever intention speaks to you

To make this habit become the more likely default you  should chose a specific attitude and stick with it for a very long time.  Eventually this idea will become your more automatic state of mindfulness.  Make this phrase, with your personalized intention, the first semi-conscious thought as you awake.  Those precious waking moments do set the tone of the day.

 Note, this habit ritual can also work against you, if you unconsciously select a negative or unhelpful thought to complete the above phrase.  It is easy to default to:

fearful, angry, impatient, overwhelmed, melancholy

 and not surprisingly these troubling thoughts can set your day in motion, but in a less hopeful direction.

The adjective that I have used for years, is HAPPY.  Consider the phrase:

I make it a habit to be HAPPY.

 As I wake up, I remind myself that I have chosen to be HAPPY.  I will choose to confront the early minutes of each day with as much HAPPINESS as I can muster.  Once the momentum has been put into action, the HAPPY equilibrium is set for the day.  It is accepted that  there will be setbacks, but HAPPY becomes the prevailing mindful state.   

 Choose your intentional thoughts and turn them into habits. 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: Inspired by a quote and thoughts from "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, 1952

YOUR SUB-CONCIOUS MIND

I am reading a wonderful book (The Power of Your Sub-Conscious Mind  by Joseph Murphy, 1963) about mindfulness and wellness, as described in early 1960’s terminology and thinking.   Nowhere is mindfulness or wellness mentioned, but they are forever just below the surface. The author’s  perspective is naively enlightening by today’s scientific standards.  Fifty plus years later we talk about fast and slow thinking, fixed and growth mindsets, positive psychology, the rationale and irrational mind, positive emotions and framing our intentions. Murphy was on to all this long ago, but in a more concise manner. 

 What is refreshing about the book is its proud, clear and simple instructions.  The author encourages us to challenge our sub-conscious mind’s tendency to undermine our success and wellbeing.  Our conscious mind can control and influence our sub-conscious mind if we accept the challenge.  Murphy suggested intentional thinking and affirmations, which are managed and promoted by our conscious mind, can positively transform our circumstances. He talks about faith and belief as part of our self-improvement strategy.  If you don’t have a sincere faith in your aspirations, then the improved state-of-being is not going to happen.  Additionally, adding a firm belief that it is possible and acting as though the change has occurred is essential.  Now we say,” Fake it until you make it”, isn’t that similar?  Sometimes we make things too complicated and over-think things.  Second guessing or not fully buying into your hopes and dreams can lead to disappointment.  Allowing for and feeding dis-appointment makes failure the most likely outcome, as our sub-conscious mind will default to this option.

 Murphy suggests that what is central to our wellness is that our conscious and sub-conscious minds collaborate, with the conscious mind setting and controlling the agenda.  Our rational, conscious mind is always involved in our wellbeing, either passively or actively engaged.  By default, if our aware self is not in charge, then our automatic subliminal self is running the show, which often has less constructive results.  As our sub-conscious mind is focused on immediate survival, pleasure, the easiest way out and fight or flight reactions, that is not the best auto-pilot to have.

 Research over the past fifty years  has increased our understanding of wellness and mindfulness.  However, we are at our peril if we dismiss the simplicity of Murphy’s suggestion of the role and importance of our sub-conscious mind,  faith and belief, in improving our wellbeing.  An interesting journey down memory lane if you have the time to read it. 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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ENERGY ADDICTION

Humans are unique in that we are the only species that can harness and take advantage of energy. Other species only derive energy from the calories they digest.  It all started a few million years ago, when by a combination of luck and ingenuity, we figured out how to start and use fire to prepare food (cooked food acts as an external stomach and increases the number of calories we can extract from most otherwise raw food). Fire also provided security at night from predators, moved us away from tropical areas and protected us from the elements.  From this simple energy advantage, humans now utilize 26 times* our natural ability in terms of energy consumption. Most of this improvement has been in the last fifty years. Fire, wind, solar, nuclear, tidal and fossil fuel power have become sources of energy. We can do so much more as most of the “heavy lifting” is done using externalized energy sources. What a Pandora’s box of opportunity this has afforded.* 

 So, what does this have to do with well-stillness and wellness?  A little and a lot.  The little is to be in awe of how ingenious humans are and how far this energy advantage has benefited us.  The bigger issue is to note our energy addiction has become almost chronic and will be very harmful for the wellness of our descendants, especially those not yet born.  We are addicted to energy, using more and more and becoming lazier, heavier, greedier and generally not any more content.

 This reflection is not about being greener or making our energy footprint smaller, but rather looking within and pondering our energy craving.  What is driving this desire?  The solution is not improved energy efficiency, but rather better energy effectiveness.  What are these needs that are energy dependent? Energy consumption has become part of the solution to meeting our social needs.  Social media has indeed increased our connectivity but reduced the depth and sincerity of our engagements and interaction.  Things may be faster, bigger, easier and nearer because of energy improvements, but are we meeting or missing our wellness needs? 

 Being kind, thoughtful, patient, loving and tolerant requires little or no calories.  These emotions and actions will have enormous payback and incline us to be more mindful of climate change.  Put otherwise, solar and wind power without an improvement in overall wellness may win the battle, but not the war for well-stillness and serenity.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: Transcendence: How Humans Evolved through Fire, Language, Beauty, and Time by Gaia Vince

 

OTHERS ARE YOUR MIRROR*

Recently a colleague (Roger) explained and justified his positive disposition, even in challenging times.  He said quite simply,

Others are my mirror.

His perspective was that if he was down or anxious, those close to him might feel and respond to him with similar emotions, like for like. Similarly, if he was hopeful, positive and enthusiastic, then his excitement would spread.  Using the idea of a mirror, what he projected was likely to be what others felt and that would then be reflected back to him. 

 Our external disposition is contagious, both for good and for ill.  There is strong research  evidence** that emotions or actions are contagious.  How often have you yawned and then others near you have done the same? Taking mindful ownership of the attitudes you are expressing can improve the wellness of those around you.  Enthusiasm lifts the spirits of a room: once you decide to act with a positive attitude, it does not take much effort for those around you to follow your example. 

 Whereas our external or public self may be joyful, it is essential to ensure that your internal or private self  lines up with the image you are projecting.  It may take some internal combustion  and resilience; a ‘fake it till you make it’ to jump start the positive cycle, but it does work. Our private self is deeper and more complex than the public self, mirroring years of experience which our momentary external expressions cannot always capture. It may be less joyful, but that is replaced with being hopeful and patient.  Our past experiences and growth can make what others see more authentic if you are coming from the right place.

 As others are your mirror, consider carefully what image you project.  Is that the “you” you want others to see and remember you by? Make your reflection work to the advantage of others (and yourself).

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: Thank you, Roger Lin, for this wonderful quote, idea, example and your positive attitude

**: Hatfield, Elaine; Cacioppo, John T.; Rapson, Richard L. (June 1993). "Emotional contagion". Current Directions in Psychological Science. 2 (3): 96–9

THE ORGANIZED MIND*

After reading  The Organized Mind,* what did I learn?  Not a lot, unfortunately, but can I share a few simple truths from this well-researched text on brain science? 

 Mental health and wellness all rely on a healthier and happier brain.  Ignoring brain wellness will impair your well-being.

 Not surprisingly, our brain is lazy and is looking for easy solutions and rules to make its job less stressful, yet successful.  Our successful brain is largely designed for the hunting and gathering activities of our primate fore-parents of 50,000 plus years ago. Three things mattered then: survival, using the least amount of calories possible and passing on the genes to the next generation.  Likely your goals are a little more aspirational, but our brain functions largely according to this simplistic set of guiding principles.

 Our brain really does not like stress: over-complexity seriously undermines its effectiveness and efficiency. Where possible outsource (externalize) memory or attention. We really do have a one track mind: multitasking and multi-attention is an impossibility.  Trying to do or remember several things simultaneously puts the brain into alarm mode.  The solution is simple.  Prioritized lists  solve most of these stresses to the brain.  By writing something down, the brain does not have to remember it, and by prioritizing the list the need to multi-task is materially reduced. The book and research suggest a simple prioritization scheme: Do it, Delegate it, Defer it, or Drop it It took over fifty pages to provide the science behind these essential and obvious observations!

 The most interesting conclusions in the book were about sleep.  A tired brain is problematic and often unhelpful.  Not getting your rapid eye movement (REM)  sleep can have serious negative consequences.  For best results you need 1.5 hours of REM per night.  What was interesting is that you cannot cram or double up on REM sleep.  If you don’t get your dose one night, you cannot make it up the next evening.  Sleeping in doesn’t recover the deficit or build a surplus.  The most important strategy was to get into a regular sleeping schedule of 8 hours (+/- 1 hour) a day: neither over nor under sleeping alters your underlying REM diet.  Alcohol and drugs interfere with REM: you may fall asleep quicker, but your REM could be on hold.

 A healthier brain does not guarantee wellbeing, but an ill brain certainly reduces it.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: The Organized Mind, Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload by Daniel Levitin

FAIRNESS?!?!

I have had the good fortune to travel to nine developed countries in two continents.  One thing profoundly impressed me; the post-Covid world seems to be fundamentally different from its earlier version.  What I observed was that the pandemic has sharply divided the world into those that are doing very well and those that seem left behind.  As I travelled, I saw many prosperous citizens in their newer cars and designer clothing,  and also many other citizens  that were on lower wages struggling to make ends meet.  The differences were so obvious: you could choose to look away or imagine the two opposites were not there, but they were.  I wondered whether there was an underlying sense of inequity felt by those doing less well.  Where was the fairness in all this? 

 Climate change makes the same point.  The prosperous developed world enjoys the successes and advantages of their industrial revolutions, and less developed nations deal with the legacies of the wasteful behaviours of others. The divide between the developed and the less developed nations is widening.

 Wellness is both a personal and shared blessing and obligation.  If I thrive and others struggle, then I have a duty of care to be part of the solution to this inequity and unfairness.  Our human nature naturally encourages and rewards us for being compassionate.  One of the better ways to improve your wellbeing is to be charitable and caring for others. In return,  our spirits seem to rapidly improve.

 The inequities we see around us should encourage us to move from empathy (I feel your pain) to compassion (let’s do something about your pain).  We should move from spectators of our relative prosperity to becoming part of the solution.  Some re-distribution of wealth from the fortunate to those that are truly challenged is inevitable and welcome.  

 Charity to others and gratitude for our bounty should encourage us to look at the growing social divide with a sense of compassion, not indifference. Imaging this unfairness is not present is wishful thinking and counter-productive in the longer run. 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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OVER-STIMULATED

About 10,000 years ago, scientists believe, humans began to farm.  For the previous hundreds of thousands of years, we were nomadic small clans that engaged in hunting and gathering activities.  This change in lifestyle had a remarkable impact on our brains. 

 Prior to this transition, the number of people we knew was limited to the size of our group, likely less than fifty.  Our possessions were few, at maximum a few dozen.  Our terrain was not larger than 5,000 square kilometres.  Our workday was only three or four hours. Our knowledge base was limited to what was necessary for survival and protection from illness and injury.  No clocks: only the sun and moon to determine our day and night.  Money had not been invented.  Life may have been short, but it was a lot less complicated.  Our brain was stimulated at the appropriate level, it was happy and fit for purpose.

 And then we started to farm!  Agriculture was a more efficient way of providing for our nutritional needs.  This change allowed communities to develop several hundreds of members and more possessions as we were now stationary.  Trade and specialization within and between communities developed.  Life got much more complicated and stressful.  Our brain was beginning to be taxed, but it was okay.

 Today, our brain is no longer fit for purpose.  Multi-tasking, social media, commerce, cities of tens of thousands or millions, materialism and the accumulation of possessions, and friends and acquaintances in the hundreds (through social media) can be overwhelming.  The sheer number of relationships, tasks, possessions, and data exceeds our minds capacity to cope with calmly.  By all measures our minds are over-stimulated and things are only getting worse.

 It is time to de-clutter and de-stress our lives: time to start reducing the number of stimuli we experience or things we do.  Fewer is much better, but what to leave in and what to leave out? Simpler is calmer; re-centring our wellbeing.  Restated, what do I have to start doing less of?  Less news?  Reduced social media? Stop pretending I can multi-task effectively? Less hurrying about and endlessly setting myself deadlines? What do I have to do more of?  More quiet time?  More reflective and meditative activities?  Deeper friendships? 

 As we cannot re-wire or increase our brain’s capacity, what should we do instead? The issue is not work-life balance but rather life-wellness balancing.  Start with setting priorities and mindfully leaving activities in or out of our daily routines.  Experiment with less and then add more of what really matters.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

Please share freely and widely, there are no copyright concerns.