SELF-DISCIPLINE*

I cannot imagine a career that does not have annoying aspects, which we find disdainful.  For instance, the Rolling Stones love playing live, but they dislike touring about.  Even the most fortunate and wonderful job has its Achilles heel.  And it is those  negative aspects that can make or break you.

I can attest that in education I have never heard anyone suggest for even a moment that they enjoy marking, but it must be done. And how most of my colleagues delayed and dreaded the grading ordeal! However, I managed to get my marking done quickly and less painfully using self-discipline to make the task more bearable.  What I did for the marking process is transferable to whatever aspect of your job you must regularly do, and especially dislike and procrastinate over.

An essential first step is to plan and design the exam to avoid the mis-steps and reduce the annoying aspects of the subsequent marking.  I focused on maximum efficiency and effectiveness by carefully engineering the exam so subsequent marking was easier and quicker.  As it is wisely said, a  stitch in time saves nine.

Next comes setting goals to motivate and monitor my progress.  These goals MUST BE: small, easily measurable, sequential, frequently achieved and not overly ambitious.  These baby step goals are fundamental and ensure that I regularly experience the joy of successfully completing something. 

Further, as the goals can be measured, I can monitor my progress and that I am getting closer to completion.  I schedule celebrating my micro-completion progress with time outs and rewards. I might swap my focus to a part of the marking project that is essential but agrees with me more as a time out.  Being able to benchmark my progress is motivating and I notice that my endurance improves once I am nearer completion and I can sprint to the finish once it is in sight. Rather than fighting with and procrastinating over the marking project, I must trick my mind and willpower to cooperate and collaborate with each other.  

For me, self-discipline means I must regularly experience pleasure, a sense of achievement and then reward myself for a job well done. This discipline certainly made my overall job satisfaction much higher. 

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*:  Whereas I used this process for years, it was consoling that the following book scientifically supported my process:  "Neuro-Discipline: Everyday Neuroscience for Self-Discipline, Focus, and Defeating Your Brain’s Impulsive and Distracted Nature" by Peter Hollins

PROCRASTINATION

Being recently retired and having an abundance of time, I often find myself procrastinating far too much.  Add to this three month of lockdown and it is especially disappointing how little I can achieve in a day (or week).  This is affecting my sense of well-being.  Perhaps you can relate to my lethargy.   

Not surprisingly, there is lots of advice out there about how to be more productive and overcome waning self-determination.  Being a numbers person, I especially liked these two strategies to up my game:

The first strategy is “The 5 Second Rule”* popularized by Mel Robbins.  This simple rule is that when you have an impulse to do something, you have five seconds to act upon the urge before your sub-conscious highjacks your plan and you start to delay. Before you know it, nothing happens.  Whether it is getting out of bed and not hitting the snooze (for the second or third time), sending that email or completing that task the strategy is to Count backwards five, four, three, two, one, GO (or before) and act.  Don’t hesitate and start coming up with excuses to delay.

The second suggestion is called the 10-10-10 rule.**  The next time you are procrastinating, ask yourself how you will feel in 10 minutes, 10 hours and 10 days if you do (or don’t do) whatever it is you are stalling on.  At the very least, if you do something that nagging feeling will be gone, and more likely that step in the right direction will make you day better.

The reason both these strategies work is because the brain has three imperatives (that we must defeat):

-         The brain is locked in an epic battle with itself, between the instinct for the quickest reaction (emotion) and the most optimal reaction (logic).

-         The brain wants as much pleasure as possible, as fast as possible; an absence of pain and discomfort will also do in most cases. Speed is of the essence for the brain.

-         The brain never wants to sacrifice anything pleasurable. **

To be more productive we must slow the brain down, add logic and reason to the situation and sacrifice immediate pleasure for greater purpose later.  Put another way, we must trick the brain into believing the future will be bigger and better than our natural instincts assume. Or follow the Nike suggestion, and JUST DO IT!!

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*:  "The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage" by Mel Robbins 

**:  "Neuro-Discipline: Everyday Neuroscience for Self-Discipline, Focus, and Defeating Your Brain’s Impulsive and Distracted Nature" by Peter Hollins

PHYSICAL DISTANCING

To me, somewhere along the way, the Covid safety message got lost in translation.  Keeping physical space between households was a wise strategy, but when this became known as ‘social distancing’ something tragic started to happen to our wellbeing and the wellness of others.  Before you knew it, there was a sense of suspicion of others that was emotionally unhelpful. If I may quote the epidemiologist Michael Osterholm:

“I categorically reject the concept of social distancing. It’s physical distancing. I hope we never social distance, ever.”*

What are we told to do when we think we might be in danger from others? Self-isolate!  But wouldn’t something like self-distancing sound kinder and more inclusive? Isn’t the temptation there to feel we are some sort of pariah, and to cut ourselves off from others socially and emotionally too?

Please be clear I do not disagree with the advice of creating space between us, but rather how it is phrased.  Words matter.  Often when I walk about physically separated, I feel that there is an undercurrent of anti-social anger and suspicion brewing amongst some.  Distrust your neighbour, look out for yourself - that person may be dangerous! These views come with so much anxiety and tension attached to them.  A grand strategy for physical health maybe, but extremely unhelpful for mental health and wellbeing.

Covid-19 is a most unfortunate reality.  However, too much focus on the illness and too little focus on wellness leads to increased anxiety, reduced mental health and unleashing an uncomfortable new normal.  Humans by design are social creatures.  We should be doing everything in our power to ensure we have as much contact with others as we can, without that including unlawful physical contact. ALL studies on wellness consider social engagement as an essential ingredient to improved wellbeing and flourishing.

Physical distancing is a respectful, kind and non-judgemental response to our current situation.  Please purge the term SOCIAL DISTANCING from your vocabulary and replace it with the more humane term PHYSICAL DISTANCING.  And increase your social rapport to overcome the remaining distance between us.

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*:  COVID-19: Straight Answers from Top Epidemiologist Who Predicted the Pandemic, by Dan Buettner, Blue Zones, June 6, 2020. Please follow this link for an excellent science based discussion of  Covid-19: https://shar.es/aHLAoO

AMYGDALA or HIPPOCAMPUS?*

The more I research well-being, the more interested I become in neuroscience. It suggests that parts of our brain have an important role in maintaining our well-being.

Neuroscience has found that there are two lobes in the frontal cortex that are designed to manage our fight-or-flight, fast thinking instinct.  The dominant one is the amygdala. This is where memories of anxious or dangerous experiences from your formative years are stored.  It acts as an early warning system:  if the current moment resembles this past memory, it is time to react quickly and instinctively.  The amygdala’s role (especially 100,000 years ago) was to  ensure we reacted quickly to impending danger: better safe than sorry was its mantra.  Unfortunately, the amygdala has not had its software updated since 100,000 BC. Therefore, it is less suited for our relatively safe 2020 AD.  Steve Peters might describe the amygdala as the ‘chimp in our Chimp Paradox’, a wary friend or foe that requires constant monitoring.

The hippocampus is a more recent addition (10,000 BC) to our brain’s artillery.  Its role is to slowly and logically size-up a situation, aiming to find a rational response to whatever confronts us.  The hippocampus also stores memories, including positive ones, and more thoughtful and complex memories of challenging situations. Rather than reacting instantly, the hippocampus ponders the moment and frames it in a more balanced manner.  However, the highly emotional amygdala reacts six times faster than its slower, logical hippocampus.

“So what?” you reasonably ask. Well,  our brain can be re-programmed because of its  neuroplastic nature; our minds can be retrained to frame and reframe memories differently. 

"Reframing, as defined in the textbook ‘Contemporary Behaviour Therapy’ is the cognitive restructuring of maladaptive thinking processes and substituting those for more workable cognitions. Cognitive restructuring therapy maintains that people construct their realities based on what is important, meaningful, and real to them. In other words, the interpretations you assign to an event, rather than the actual event itself, determines its effect on your emotions. Reframing will allow you to reconstruct your thoughts, in order to view circumstances from a new perspective, thus leading you to feel more positive about that same circumstance and, therefore, to feel less fear or stress."#

Simply put, your overactive and emotional amygdala can be tamed by reframing your more challenging moments: you can give your hippocampus a chance to get involved.  Rather than fight or flight, there is a reframing of the moment as you pause and add some rational thinking in to the mix.  Your hippocampus can be habitually retrained to be a bit more assertive.

Please be kind, patient and thoughtful to your partner and others.

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*:  Some of the insights from this reflection come from either:

#: Reframe Your Viewpoints: How to Gradually Redirect Anxiety Energy to Unlock Confidence by Virginia Ritterbusch

The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness by Steve Peters

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

IF YOU GIVE YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE *

‘No one has ever become poor by giving’ : Anne Frank

It is extremely easy to be overwhelmed in the face of Covid-19 and the challenges it presents us with.  A useful antidote to this situation is to be charitable.  Giving to others is putting gratitude into action, and it allows us to feel that we can be of some use in these times.

Both the quote by Anne Frank and the Chinese proverb quoted above capture a wonderful quality of giving. When you give, you seem to end up with more than you had before.  Willingly and joyfully giving miraculously seems to BLESS you with more than you gave up.  There is no other word but BLESS to describe this awesome synergy.

Many have noted that in response to the Covid crisis spontaneous random acts of kindness and giving are occurring because of the (almost) unique human quality of altruism.  Being selfless or other-minded significantly improves our sense of well-being and helps the community we live in.

There are three different forms of giving, all beginning with the letter “T”.  One can give of one’s Time, Talent or Treasure.  Whereas financial assistance is appreciated, giving of your time or talent is especially effective as it engages more of your intentional energy and being. This charity is especially rewarding.

As the lock-down constraints are reduced, there is expected to emerge a profound mental health challenge.  The economic and employment disruptions will require governments and citizens to re-visit their willingness and ability to give to and share in the burdens of the pandemic victims.

If you are fortunate and not materially disadvantaged by this new-normal, please re-define your giving agenda.  Make giving while you are living a larger priority.  And explore the time and talent opportunities of your donation plan.  You will become richer and more blessed as you give.

Please be kind, patient and thoughtful to your partner and others.

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*: A Chinese proverb brought to my attention by Miguel Mayher

EXPERIMENTING AND FAILING

There is a common view that “If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it”.  This is a safe and convenient strategy, but one that doesn’t work well for me.  How about this a corollary, “If it isn’t broken, break it.”  When I see something functioning properly it instinctively encourages me to wonder why and how this is so.  What curious quirk or feature is this application taking advantage of?  Why does this work so well, and where else could this idea be applied?

Thomas Edison noted, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

Albert Einstein similarly stated, “Make mistakes.  A person who never made a mistake never did anything new.” 

There is no shortage of famous people who talk about how experimenting with life was the key to their success.

Breaking things to see if they can be made better is all about experimenting and failure and learning.  Mixing a cocktail of HOW, WHY, FAILURE and WONDER into our daily routines is actively being in the present moment.  Examining the sequence of steps to do a task and challenging them in terms of whether each one is essential, could be re-ordered or re- arranged can lead to enlightenment.  If it does not work, you learned something and may have to break it differently. Curiously, as you carefully examine the task, not only can you improve its efficiency, but a sense of ownership can increase.

If you look at the lives of successful people or listen to their sage advice, almost without exception they talk about their failures, setbacks and disappointments.  But they keep on experimenting and learning from their mistakes.  They kept on setting challenging but attainable goals and expect failures along the way. Failing makes success sweeter.  Whether the experiment works or not, these are both occasions for awe if you allow for learning and growth.

Go and break, or at least tinker with, one of your rituals, and experiment with how you might make it new and different.

 Please be kind, patient and thoughtful to your partner and others.

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TELESCOPE OR MICROSCOPE?

Are you viewing life through a telescope of wonder and promise?  Or are you viewing life through a microscope of what is missing and remiss?  Are you looking upwards with awe and amazement or looking inward with disappointment and longing? 

When I look upwards, whether at the moon, clouds, blue sky or that distant hill it usually inspires me about the awesomeness of my surroundings and good fortune.  Pleasure and joy are the more frequent emotions.  When I look forward, I do see beauty but also walls, traffic, and other obstacles. I feel grounded and grateful for my bounty. When I look down, I too often see litter, cracks in the sidewalk and don’t feel especially positive.  And when I start looking inward what I see too often is what is missing, not what is there.

It is essential to be mindful of your circumstances and challenges, and to have compassion for those that are less blessed. These microscopic perspectives on your present moment keep you grounded and real.  But does this depict the present moment as an opportunity full of promise or just more of the same-old same-old?  Being introspective or retrospective limits the possible perspective of looking upward at a richer now.

Telescoping upward in your present moment opens wonder.  Have you ever looked at the moon on a clear night, or a view of a distant mountain, or a seascape and felt disappointment?  Yet when you microscope inward do your spirits generally improve?  Yes, please ponder who you are, where you are at and mystery of life.  But spend at least as much time looking up at all the beauty around and above you.

Given a choice of whether to use a microscope or a telescope to look for what is and isn’t there, give me the telescope any time.  What is beyond is infinite and limitless, whereas what is within is finite and limited. Do spend more time looking upwards: there is a lot out there that is outside our imaginations.

  Please be kind, patient and thoughtful to your partner and others.

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The If and When Myth

“I will be happy IF” … “I will be happy WHEN” doesn’t work or happen.  You get the desired outcome, have elevated spirits for a few weeks, months or at best a few years and then you are right back to where you were earlier. 

This natural occurrence of returning to your natural set point of wellness is called the hedonistic treadmill or hedonistic adaption.  We are like the hamster on the treadmill running quickly but getting nowhere, stuck. Changes in circumstance have a short term pay-off and then this new situation becomes the new normal.  The adaption makes you inclined to aspire for new achievements which then undermines the joy of the current achievement.  And then comparison sets in, and we see others with more or better or newer rewards and we are back to square one.

For me, appreciating and observing this adaption process countless times tamed the shopper in me and changed me.  Now I savour a few very special and thoughtful gifts, experiences or purchases and regularly just pause to be so grateful for those blessings. A multi-function travel watch, blue tooth headphones that meet my unique needs, Bolivia, colourful sandals that can go anywhere; these are special things that ring my well-being bell.

Experiment with your IF and WHEN expectations for well-being.  How long did your joy persist? Have you already replaced that desire with a new or more lavish wish?  If that IF or WHEN had not happened, would you really be any less pleased?

Letting go of IF and WHEN is most liberating as it puts one into the present moment where there is no IF or WHEN, only now.  Not wanting or waiting for something to happen to be achieved or owned means you have enough, and perhaps even a surplus.  Practice savouring things with serenity, re-thanking others for their awesome gifts, or remembering/sharing those powerful memories and milestones but again.  Sure, it is fine to want an IF or WHEN once in the while, but not always or to the determinant of what you already are blessed with.  Wonderfully, gratitude will improve your spirits and defeat the treadmill. 

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For further reading, if you are interested just Google “Hedonistic treadmill”]; there is no shortage of sources for further insights here.

MOVING FROM SUCCESS TO SIGNIFICANCE

Alan Watts made a very pertinent observation, being

“No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.”

Well said. Many people during their working life imagine that at retirement everything will suddenly become uplifting and awesome.  As a result, they often under-utilize or under-appreciate their pre-retirement life.  Others put their life on hold (especially while raising their children), believing or hoping that something amazing is going to occur at retirement, and then pleasure and purpose will be released.

Bob Buford wrote an insightful book on how to approach retirement called Halftime, Moving from Success to Significance. Bob’s underlying premise is that a satisfying retirement is about finding a purpose that speaks to you and dedicating yourself to that objective, preferable before retirement. He noted that much of the first half of your life and career is about seeking success and achievement.  However, those milestones and successes lose their glory and motivating rewards.   Without a sense of significance, success can become hollow.   Peter Drucker noted that: “Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things.” 

Taking Alan’s, Bob’s, and Peter’s observations collectively, there is one common theme.  The sooner one finds a purpose, something that really speaks to you in the present moment, the sooner a more purposeful life, living, and wellness can begin.  Three of the five parts of the PERMA wellness framework relate to this idea.  Engagement, meaning and achievement all contribute to improved wellness and can be synergized by an increased sense of life being lived for a purpose. Please note, this purpose likely is not career or employment related, but may utilize some of your work skills, but in unique and curious ways.

Live in the now with a sense of purpose. This will launch your mission to be purposeful well before you retire, making your pre and post retirement life better.  And better still, if that purpose agenda really comes to life, being employed, and retired can occur at the same time. 

Please be kind, patient and thoughtful to your partner and others.

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BEYOND EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

I tend to write a lot about positive emotions, but there is more to well-being than this.  The godfather of positive psychology (Martin Seligman) coined the acronym PERMA to describe wellbeing.  The five parts of the wellness riddle are: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Achievement. 

Indeed, feeling wonderful is great.  Fortunately, there is more to being well and flourishing than a smile.  These other dimensions are described as:

Engagement:  An experience in which we fully deploy our skills, strengths, and attention in a challenging task.  When fully engaged we are “in the flow” and we forget time and everything around us.

Relationships: Connections to others that brings purpose and meaning to our life.

Meaning: a sense of purpose derived from belonging to and serving something bigger than ourselves.

Accomplishment: Pursuing achievement, competence, success and mastery for its own sake, in a variety of domains, including workplace, sports, games, hobbies, etc. **

The reason I mention the larger domain of PERMA is to encourage you to look beyond your emotions and seek out opportunities to flourish Are there areas in your life where some of these other aspects could be enhanced?  For me, much of my wellness comes from my work.  Through it I have found ways to combine engagement, relationships, meaning and achievement.  What a transformation that was!! 

Is there an aspect of your life that you can re-package and re-design into something that gives you more purpose and raison d’etre?  Once this Covid-19 lockdown lightens up, is there a chance to change how you approach your work, relationships, or hobbies? Once you can go out more, how can you round out your PERMA?  I suggest starting with engagement as that gets the process rolling, and it involves your interests and talents.  Use this “slower period” to ask some challenging questions about what you might like to change either now, or soon.

Please be mindfully kind, thoughtful and patient with yourself and others. 

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**: "Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing: The practical guide to using positive psychology to make you happier and healthier" by Martin Seligman 

CAUSING HOPE

Having too much time to speculate about the present, I keep coming back to feeling hopeful, even as so much seems hopeless and broken. Maybe it is because the UK is experiencing such an awesome Spring, but I don’t think that’s the reason (although it is much appreciated).  All the negative and troubling statistics make me sad for those who are suffering, but I still end up feeling hopeful.

Hope can be defined as a belief or yearning that things can change and be better in the future, especially when the present moment is uncertain or challenged. Feeling motivated to turn things around to benefit yourself and others. #  Doesn’t that feel a lot like today?

What is driving my hopefulness is a deliberate strategy of defying the natural impulse to despair and re-framing the present hopefully.  I know if I follow the despair route, there is no end in sight other than increased hopelessness and anxiety.  My defense is to feel compassion for those suffering from Covid-19, but also to rejoice for those that have recovered.  I admire the front-line workers putting themselves at risk, and|I am out there banging pots weekly to applaud their selflessness.  I praise humanity for our artistic and creative natures.  I re-arrange the daily dose of death from an absolute amount to a deaths-per-million measure (which tells a very different, but much more encouraging story). **   Keeping my social distance, I try to smile and say hello to as many strangers as possible.

The wonderful thing is that these pro-active actions improve my sense of hope. Scientists have found that doing acts of  kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise they have tested.@  Finally, if you have a spiritual dimension, use it generously to invoke a sense of wonder, awe and promise.

Being hopeful can turn the tide on the overwhelming tsunami of anxiety and despair. We can all long for a better present and tomorrow. My friends, please be kind to yourself and others.

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#: Positivity by Barbara Frederickson

**: Follow this link for more:  https://ourworldindata.org/coronavirus-data

@:  Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing by Martin Seligman

THE ESSENTIAL MINERALS OF WELLNESS

Earlier I suggested that hope, serenity and gratitude were outstanding positive emotions or vitamins to counter Covid-19 anxiety. Just as vitamins are required for our physical wellbeing, there are some essential emotional minerals that can spice up this challenging season of life. 

In these tense times, I am actively seeking out or creating moments where I am feeling interested, inspired and awed.  Let’s look at each one:

Interest:  Feeling open and alive.  Your horizons are expanding with new possibilities.  You have a desire to explore, to take in new ideas and learn more.

Inspiration:  Feeling uplifted.  Seeing better possibilities than usual.  A desire to want to express and do what is good.

Awe:   Feeling overwhelmed by greatness.  Experiencing goodness and amazement.

These positive emotions are generally under-utilized, as we are too busy to pause and allow ourselves to feel truly interested, inspired or awed by what is right there in this moment.  It often takes deliberate effort to experience these uplifting emotions, as we must look for something special in the ordinary and usual, letting go of judgemental thinking.  These feeling can also trigger gratitude and serenity which is great bonus.

It may sound corny, but I love those Tom Hanks type feel good movies and absolutely avoid all movies that have unhappy ending or violence.  Especially now, with the almost 24-hour Covid-19 awfulizing news coverage I need to refresh my spirits with uplifting and hopeful possibilities, reducing negative inputs or suggestions.  Why not check out a BBC Nature show, a book where things go well, a Friends episode, your favourite music from yesterday or a tasty treat?  Go back to what works for you, and savour the reassurance, inspiration and awe it rewards you.

Seek out moments that encourage feelings of interest, inspiration or awe. This will spice up your day and improve your spirits.  Improving our resilience needs a diet of positive emotions. 

Please bulk up on interest, inspiration, awe (and hope, gratitude, hope, love, serenity pride and amusement also).

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CALMNESS AND CLARITY

One of the goals of mindfulness is to have greater calmness and clarity in one’s life; being positively serene.  The following paragraphs capture the dilemma and challenge of being in a peaceful place.

“Imagine a very still, clear pool of water. The water is quite deep, but very, very clear. Because the water’s so clear you can see absolutely everything at the bottom, making it appear shallow, even though it’s actually very deep. Now imagine sitting by the side of this water and throwing small pebbles into the middle. Start off quite slowly, just throwing them every now and then. You’ll notice that each new pebble creates a ripple on the surface of the water, and that it takes a little while for the water to then settle again. If you then throw another stone in before the water has completely settled, you create a new set of ripples that merges with the last. Now imagine throwing one stone after the next and seeing the entire surface of the water all stirred up at the same time. When the surface of the water looks like this, it’s almost impossible to see anything in the water at all, never mind anything at the bottom.

This image reflects the surface of our minds in many ways. Each new thought, like a pebble being thrown into the water, creates ripples on the surface. We’ve got so used to throwing these pebbles, so used to the disturbance on the surface of the water, that we’ve forgotten what still water looks like. We know it’s not quite right as it is, but it’s as if the more we meddle with the mind trying to sort it out, the more ripples we create. Needless to say, when the mind’s all stirred up like this, it’s almost impossible to see what’s happening and what’s hidden under the surface. Because of this we don’t have any insight into the nature of mind – of how and why we feel the way we do. So, without first calming the mind, it’s very difficult to have any clarity.” *

So how can we increase our calmness and get that essential clarity?  May I suggest through meditation (or prayer).  Perhaps now, with us in various stages of lock down and a surplus of time, might be an excellent time to try out and start a simple meditation practice. 

I found the book (see below) with this quote to be one of the best, pure meditation guide (without the Eastern religion bias).   Seek to be calm - a useful antidote to anxiety and boredom.

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**: The Headspace Guide to... Mindfulness & Meditation: 10 minutes can make all the difference" by Andy Puddicombe

LET’S RE-FRAME OUR PRESENT

NOW is a very anxious time, isn’t it?  Covid-19 is real, dangerous, unsettling and upsetting.  However, at the heart of mindfulness is an awareness that one can change one’s perception of the present.  Mindfulness boldly states that it cannot change your reality, but it can change how you experience your reality.

Staying with Covid-19, one important question is how we frame this threat into our well-being, without being complacent or naïve. How can we be sensibly resilient, without putting others or ourselves at risk? 

I would suggest we need to frame Covid-19 into a balanced and hopeful scenario:  Let’s share the grief of those that have suffered personal loss, but let’s celebrate that there are tens of thousands of uneventful and ignored successful outcomes. (At least 158,688: we do not know the actual numbers, as only the reported cases whereas the most unfortunate outcomes are certain and discussed). Let’s manage the infodemic of sensational media coverage which neglects positive news as it doesn’t sell, and let’s mindfully limit the amount of Covid news coverage we digest daily, as it can numb both our immune system and our perspective.  Let’s seek out distractions that are engaging and that show the positive side of humanity.  Let’s investigate our spiritual side and see if it can provide us with some peace and serenity.  Let’s be generous, kind and charitable to others.  Let’s be grateful for what is going right in our lives.  Let’s express our gratitude and compassion to those we love.  Let’s be entertained with stories that have joyful and optimistic endings. 

Notice all the LET’S do this or that.  That’s mindfulness in action.  By deliberately framing and re-framing our present experience with encouraging and inspiring possibilities, we become more hopeful and our natural resilience grows.   And if your positive emotional reserve is running low, use gratitude and charitable thoughts and actions to refuel your tank.

Remember 40% of our present well-being is determined by intentional thinking, so adjusting our attention about the Covid-19 virus will certainly improve our well-being and spirits.

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ANTI-ANXIETY VITAMINS

These are very anxious and challenging times with the Coronavirus overwhelming our lives, media and mindfulness.  Is there an emotional strategy to improve our spirits?  I would suggest YES.  Just as vitamins are essential organic nutrients that sustain our life and well-being, the ten positive emotions can act as vitamins to improve your psychological wellness.

We are all bound to feel a natural anxiety about the virus.  The presence (or absence) of positive feelings can turn the tide on how you psychologically handle this anxiety. The ten positive emotions are: joy, gratitude, hope, love, serenity, pride, awe, amusement, inspiration, interest.  Please speculate for a moment which you imagine would calm you down.

Three of these positive emotions may help keep you in a better frame of mind. I suggest that hope, serenity and gratitude may help you feel more resilient and less anxious.  These feeling are summarized as:

Hope:  A belief or yearning that things can change and be better in the future, especially when the present moment is uncertain or challenged. Feeling motivated to turn things around to benefit yourself and others.*

Serenity (savouring, at peace):  Low key, personal and private joy; savouring the moment; feeling that things are so right and comfortable.  Perhaps seeking ways to integrate this moment into your life more fully and often. Privately reflect on your prized present moment.*

Gratitude: Appreciating something that has come our way as a gift to be treasured.  It opens your heart and carries the urge to give back – to do something in return.*

Yes, the current situation is challenging but we can be mindfully resilient by being hopeful, peaceful and grateful for what we do have in these troubling times.  However you must be deliberate and mindful when you activate these emotions,  as much of improved wellbeing is intentional, not automatic enhancement of your situation and experience.  And always start with gratitude, as this is the gateway vitamin to wellness and empowers all the other constructive emotions.

Know peace (serenity) and be prayerful in your own way.

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*: Positivity by Barbara Frederickson

MIRROR NEURONS

The British have this wonderful phrase called the “knock on effect” to describe how some chain of event or circumstance can influence later situations.  Our emotional state of mind and actions similarly can have profound positive or negative knock on effects.  And there is science to back up these ripple effects:

Scientists found something called mirror neurons: specialized brain cells that can actually sense and then mimic the feelings, actions, and physical sensations of another person. Let’s say a person is pricked by a needle. The neurons in the pain center of his or her brain will immediately light up, which should come as no surprise. But what is a surprise is that when that same person sees someone else receive a needle prick, this same set of neurons lights up, just as though he himself had been pricked. In other words, he actually feels a hint of the pain of a needle prick, even though he himself hasn’t been touched. 

As we pass through the day, our brains are constantly processing the feelings of the people around us, taking note of the inflection in someone’s voice, the look behind their eyes, the stoop of their shoulders. In fact, the amygdala can read and identify an emotion in another person’s face within 33 milliseconds, and then just as quickly prime us to feel the same.  Once people mimic the physical behaviors tied to these emotions, it causes them to feel the emotion themselves.

Smiling, for instance, tricks your brain into thinking you’re happy, so it starts producing the neurochemicals that actually do make you happy. Scientists call this the facial feedback hypothesis, and it is the basis of the recommendation “fake it till you make it.” While authentic positivity will always trump its faux counterpart, there is significant evidence that changing your behavior first— even your facial expression and posture— can dictate emotional change. *  

So what does this have to do with well-being?  Everything!!  We are both mirroring other’s emotions and actions but can also infuse others with how we are feeling.  Various estimates suggest there are nearly 1,000 people within three degrees of most of us (ignoring Facebook).  We can project our positive emotions and wellness to 1,000 others and improve their lives.  We can be like secondhand smoke and either bring people down or uplift their spirits.

Positive feelings will be mirrored by others and have awesome knock-on effects.   Please pass them on and multiply joy and well-being.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

Please freely share and widely, there are no copyright concerns.

*:  The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology that Fuel Success and Performance at Work  by Shawn Achor 

PERSPECTIVE

The world seems in chaos and confusion, with all the focus on the coronavirus.  What is going on?  Should I stock up on toilet paper and canned goods?  Have I got it already? Yes, I would rather than the coronavirus was not with us, but it is. 

Is panic or pause the better perspective in these troubling times?

I would suggest that panic is the least suitable response, perhaps only appropriate when things truly go off the rails, and perhaps not helpful even then.

Pause would suggest that we carefully research this challenge and start by defining what “bad”, “out-of-control” or “at personal risk of serious health consequences” means statistically and realistically.  What is the probability out of 100 (10,000?) that YOU are at serious risk of death or debilitation?  Pause encourages us to consider the financial costs to ourselves and others if we start to shut down the economy prematurely to manage this health threat.  I know that many individuals will experience financial ruin (bankruptcy), unemployment, delays in their education progress, family trauma and depression.  Anyone directly or indirectly associated with tourism, the service industry or who is part of an international supply chain is at serious economic peril if premature paranoia occurs.   Yes, there is an uncomfortable trade-off between the health and financial consequences when managing this dilemma, but the consequences of over-reacting will be real and profound.  Pause suggests a measured roll-out of our actions to manage this unfortunate situation. Is a few days of flu a reasonable cost if it prevents the economic/ emotional ruin of a friend or a community?

Perspective comes when we consider just how unique and serious the coronavirus really is.  Worldwide as of 19:17 GMT, March 9th,2020 there were 111,817 coronavirus cases, 3,843 deaths and 62,722 recoveries*.  Not great news, but looking at prior years what can we learn?

An estimated 80,000 Americans died of flu and its complications in the winter of 2018, the disease’s highest death toll in at least four decades. The director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Dr. Robert Redfield, revealed the total in an interview Tuesday night with ‘The Associated Press’. In recent years, flu-related deaths have ranged from about 12,000 to — in the worst year — 56,000, according to the CDC….. The 2018 season peaked in early February. It was mostly over by the end of March, although some flu continued to circulate.@

Consider, is this quote good or bad news (as there were 327.2 million Americans in 2018)?  Are we anywhere near these results? I am not suggesting that you behave recklessly as if there was no risk out there, but to wait cautiously as we learn more.  Perspective suggests looking at the big picture, putting things into some scale as in risk per 1,000, weighing the uncomfortable pros and cons and realizing there are consequences, with over-reaction and pessimism not always the best or timely action. Please remain calm, vigilant, and considerate of others. Be tolerant and don’t stockpile any more toilet paper!

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: www.Worldometers.info

@: ASSOCIATED PRESS, SEPTEMBER 26, 2018

KINDNESS, PATIENCE, THOUGHTFULNESS

Look carefully at your most prized relationships and ask:  “What is the most essential ingredient in these relationships?”  Yes, love.  But love is a rather vague catch-all word.  How about kindness, patience and thoughtfulness?  Wouldn’t it be awesome if you gave and received these unconditional expressions of love?

As these words are so rich and subjective, I thought it might be useful to look up their definitions in Wikipedia.  And here is what I learned:

Kindness is as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.

Affection, gentleness, warmth, concern, and care are words that are associated with kindness.  

Patience is a person's ability to wait something out or endure something tedious, without getting riled up.

Thoughtfulness is showing consideration for others; considerate, being mindful or heedful of the well-being of others.

Your relationships would likely appreciate extra dosages of kindness, patience and thoughtfulness, but how do you make that happen?  Start by consciously putting in these same ingredients.  When matters get harried, consider which would be the best medicine, or ponder whether there is tension because they are lacking.  When everything is going well, observe how mindfully upping the amount of kindness, patience and/or thoughtfulness makes that moment even better.  Also, be alert to when you receive these responses from others and note how it improves your relationship.

Once you have done several proactive experiments with these emotions, share what you have learned with your partner or friends.  Encourage them to be open to using kindness, patience and thoughtfulness to show and receive affection.

Mindfully giving and receiving kindness, patience and thoughtfulness certainly improves any relationship.  Do some experimenting and see what happens.  Nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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THE CONFIRMATION BIAS

There is too much disagreement, anger and division.  Whether it is Brexit, Donald Trump or climate change, there are such polarized and uncompromising views.  I am right and you are wrong; I am wise and you are foolish and I can prove it.  See, this is what I just read!

Psychologists and economists note that people have a strong and natural inclination to seek out information that confirms their views and dismiss information that contradicts their opinion.   They call it the confirmation bias.  The confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or strengthens one's prior personal beliefs or hypotheses, and overlooks or trivializes whatever contradicts that opinion.  We feel we are right and the evidence supports our conclusion.  The only problem is that someone else holds exactly the opposite view, and was also able to find supporting evidence to support their contrary view. 

This isn’t about fake news, propaganda or mis-truths.  Rather, there are thirty or more facts or half-truths out there and each side’s media picks and chooses those ten facts that suit their narrative and subscribers’ views.  No one wins and the debate gets more heated.  Each side becomes more polarized and refuses to listen or entertain the other’s perspective.  The divisions multiply and actual debate or resolution becomes more difficult and in fact unwelcome.  The only solution seems to be for the other side to admit defeat and repent.

Sounds rather hopeless, but is this not a realistic summary of the views on most complex matters?  Is there a solution?  YES!!

I suggest that to start, one should respectfully listen to those opinions which are contrary to yours and acknowledge that some of their points have merit.  Read media that promotes views that are different from your own so you can appreciate where that other perspective is coming from.   Accept the fact that your view has some negative or problematic features. The hallmark of true and functioning democracy is tolerance, please exercise and be tolerant when differences emerge.  Finally, if you strongly disagree with someone’s’ opinion, that does not mean that person is a bad person.  Branding others with labels like enemy, evil, ignorant or the like because you disagree with them is neither helpful, fair nor kind.

By definition complex issues very rarely have 100% “correct or ideal” solutions.  The reason they are complex is because the trade-off required to resolve these matters is not black and white, but grey.  The ultimate solution is likely in a tight range between 50%   +/-   10%, and you largely agree on most of the aspects of the issue, it is just that in the final balance and solution you may differ with others.

Please let our differences be governed by tolerance, patience, civility, open-mindedness and compassion.  Please lighten up on your confirmation bias.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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CHARACTER STRENGTHS

We all have skills and abilities, but equally we have personality strengths (and weaknesses). We have traits that are hard wired into who we are and affect how we behave unconsciously. These inclinations suggest how we are emotionally pre-disposed to experience the NOW.  Knowing what you are naturally inclined to do is most helpful in promoting well-being and positivity.

"Even more fulfilling than using a skill, though, is exercising a strength of character, a trait that is deeply embedded in who we are. A team of psychologists recently catalogued the 24 cross-cultural character strengths that most contribute to human flourishing. Examples of these strengths included honesty, kindness, hope prudence, etc.   They then developed a comprehensive survey that identifies an individual’s top five, or “signature,” strengths. When 577 volunteers were encouraged to pick one of their signature strengths and use it in a new way each day for a week, they became significantly happier and less depressed than control groups. And these benefits lasted: even after the experiment was over, their levels of happiness remained heightened a full six months later. Studies have shown that the more you use your signature strengths in daily life, the happier you become."

Normally, I am not inclined to suggest you take a personal survey, but I would recommend this one.  To learn what’s in your own top five character strengths follow the link:   www.viasurvey.org and take the free survey.  There will be no annoying follow-up notices and no obligation to pay.  I have taken the survey twice and have found it insightful, as some of my core strengths were re-prioritized as I became more interested in understanding well-being.  Equally informative were my character weaknesses. Being mindful of where I am wanting is helpful in my personal relationships. Knowing your strengths is also insightful in term of career goals, and finding links between your emotional inclinations and your employment prospects.

Key well-being (and career advice) I endorse is “Go with your strengths (and manage your weaknesses).”  Getting a little objective advice on your pluses and minuses is useful and the “survey” takes less than 10 minutes.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

Please freely share and widely, there are no copyright concerns.

*: "The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology that Fuel Success and Performance at Work" by Shawn Achor