ACHIEVEMENT AND GRIT*(Part One)

I have had the privilege of observing thousands of university learners over the course of my career. With the most successful ones, I have long wondered why they became particularly successful. I would see saw glimmers of early promise in many students, but why did some go on to great accomplishments, and others seem less destined to succeed?

There is a growing body of research into this area. * Angela Duckworth converted the physics formula:

Distance = Speed x Times    to an achievement equation;

Achievement = Skill x Effort   (leaving the coefficient out).

Using thousands of samples, Angela was able to reasonably predict those that would achieve highly and those that would quit or underachieve.  She found that natural ability, talent or IQ was a poor predictor of success, and that effort, or determination, made all the difference.  She called this effort GRIT.

Angela found that those students who were not automatically able or quick at their studies had to work harder, longer, and practice more (the strivers). They had more grit and their achievements often matched or exceeded their naturally more able colleagues.  Strivers had a better achievement rate.

I have also observed in learners that whilst some are extremely naturally able, there are others who have an extra quality: a steady determination. They are diligent, focused and striving, and they seem to display some resilience when the going gets tough. I admire those especially diligent learners that seem to willingly go the extra mile with a smile.  As the sayings go: Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration (Thomas Edison). Or Winners never Quit, and Quitters never Win.

So what does this have to do with well-being?  Lots.  First, Achievement is one of the five dimensions of well-being or flourishing (Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Achievement or PERMA).  Achievement really matters! 

Whereas you cannot change your natural abilities, you can become more determined and resilient.  Grit is often more important than innate ability, especially in the long run. 

Improving your well-being takes effort but it is rewarding. We give lots of time and attention to gaining academic qualifications, but often we put very little time and effort into improving our own well-being. Maybe we should apply some of the same grit and determination that we apply to our careers to our own well-being, and to making significant changes in our personal lives.

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*: Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing: The practical guide to using positive psychology to make you happier and healthier by Martin Seligman

and

*: Grit: Why Passion and Persistence are the Secrets to Success by Angela Duckworth

 

JUDGING OR THINKING

Carl Jung noted that: “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” So true - UNFORTUNATELY!!

Being judgemental is toxic to our well-being.  Mindfulness starts with the expectation that one is non-judgemental of oneself and others and present in that moment.  Being judgemental unnecessarily and unhelpfully elevates our sense of status to being better, more correct or important than we are, or the opposite.  And how does that improve our well-being or spirits?

Proper judgement involves reasoning. It comes from a place of informed understanding, where we are able to truly see something from all perspectives. Very few truly significant issues are black and white, having a right answer or conclusion.  There is a significant difference between making a quick judgement of someone and making an informed, thoughtful and objective one.  The Bible says that only God can properly judge others, because only He sees the true motives of the heart. It encourages us to first of all examine ourselves before we think to judge others.

Conclusions that are more thoughtful are nearly always better, but we are encouraged to reserve judgement on others whenever possible. Sometimes we have to make judgements, and then it is important that we are as balanced as possible. Let’s be clear, that takes a lot of effort and critical thinking, but that is the nature of making an objective judgement, it takes a lot of thinking.  Thinking is difficult!  Being objective is equally difficult but essential.

Figure out what is especially essential in our life, become an expert thereof, seek constructively to be just and judgemental in these domains and let go of the rest.  Next, we should judge ourselves, and only afterwards should we proceed to judge others and other matters.

Letting go of our judgemental nature is extremely empowering, and grounding, but very difficult to do.  Start by deliberately judging less often and see where it takes you.  Definitely a work in progress project.

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WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR YOU CAN’T, YOU’RE RIGHT!

Thank you Henry Ford for this all too correct summary of how influential our thinking and imagining is to our well-being.  Henry, using intuition, observed what Sonja Lyubomirsky empirically uncovered from reviewing the literature on well-being (1).  Both noted that our intentions have enormous effect on our state of flourishing. 

 Sonja summarized her findings by concluding that around 40% of what determines our well-being is up to our intentional thoughts and activities. What about the rest?  50% is largely set by our genetically determined set points (our genes, which cannot be changed).  The last 10% is our unique life circumstances (rich or poor, beautiful or plain, etc.).

If we decide, often by default, that we are having a bad day, it is almost certainly going to turn out that way.  Inversely, if with determined intentions we decide our day or experience is going to go well, that day or event will have a high probability of being satisfying.  Try it: frame some upcoming occasion with optimistic potential.  Chances are it will go joyfully, or at least better than if one had no joyful expectations.

Having watched (and graded) thousands of learners sitting examinations, the correlation between the candidate’s intentional preparation and attitude and their subsequent performance seems strong.  The writer with a confident air generally walks out of the venue with a positive expectation and later a rewarding result.  And those that enter and exit the exam hall with low expectations seem too often get their expectations confirmed.

Whether one can or can’t is a less random outcome than we imagine.  Realistic intentions, coupled with proper preparation, have a significantly higher success rate than imagining we are the victim of circumstance. 

Make our self-fulfilling prophesies bountiful and beautiful.  Chances are we will get what we asked for.   

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 (1): Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, David Schkade, Review of General Psychology 9(2):111-131 · June 2005

FLOURISH

An interesting shift in terminology around the science of happiness and well-being is occurring.  A growing number of positive psychologists have shifted their view and discussion of well-being to a larger perspective.  Rather than talking about happiness, they now describe their goal as to understand the experience of flourishing.

Changing your paradigm to flourishing from happiness is empowering.  Being happy may sounds to some like you are just smiley faced, a gleeful but not especially purposeful or grounded person. They may view you as being too obsessed with the NOW (which isn’t correct or complete, but does have some merit).  The idea of flourishing has a more expansive remit, as it implies growth and an interest in tomorrow.

This change in positive psychology terminology is more than clever marketing.  It embraces an enlarged view of what a more joyful life might entail as described below (1):

Authentic Happiness Theory: Focus: Happiness Goal: Increase one’s life satisfaction primarily by increasing Positive emotions, Engagement, and Positive Relationships

Well-Being Theory:  Focus:  Well-being Goal:  Increase one’s flourishing by increasing Positive emotions, Engagement, Meaning, Positive Relationships, and Accomplishment (or PERMA) 

So what? you reasonably ask.  At the very least, if one changes the way one describes their well-being goal from happiness to flourishing others may not dismiss you as readily, and may listen to you less judgementally.  Secondly, and very importantly, the inclusion of accomplishments (achievement) and meaning (purpose) into your repertoire of well-being tools does materially expand ways you might improve your quality of life.

Personally, I find it much easier and helpful to challenge myself to flourish than to be happy.  Acknowledging creating purpose and valuing accomplishment as concrete aspects of my well-being causes me to reflect on what I can DO proactively and privately to improve my quality of life.  By adding engagement I acknowledge the intense satisfaction I can get when I am engaged or busy in something deeply satisfying.

By giving attention to what really matters to you (meaning), developing the skills to do it well (engagement), and seeking to excel, you should become a flourishing (and happy) camper!

Start thinking about and acting out your FLOURISH agenda.

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(1):  Martin Seligman, Flourish, (Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2011)

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DID SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME?

 Our lives can easily become like a broken record that repeats the same line or verse.  The predictable rituals and routines that make up our days can improve the certainty and efficiency of our efforts, and give a much needed structure to our lives, but this can make get a little boring and repetitive day in, day out.

Maybe it is time to stir things up a bit.  Really, when was the last time you did something for the first time?  Carefully consider the truth and intrigue this question suggests.  Have you become so patterned and regular that you have forgotten to take measured risks or invite change into your life, to boost the excitement and newness of the present moment?  A little change and randomness might just be what you need to revitalize your life.

 Experimenting with even the smallest change, like your journey to work or what you have for breakfast is a good start. The nice thing about such minor adjustments is that it opens you up to being bolder and more engaged in your present moment.  Hopefully you will progress to a state where increased awareness of the NOW becomes more immediate and frequent.  Consciously seeking opportunities to do things for the first time makes you more aware of the wonderful things going on around and about you.  Being too routine in your habits means you often miss the awesome opportunities all around you.

 Making small, incremental improvements that change your life to the better is another way of addressing the doing something for the first time challenge. Particularly adding new acts of kindness, gratitude and/or compassion: these will increase your overall wellness and add variety to your day.

 As the present moment is always new and changing, seize a few of these moments and make them yours, refreshing and unique.

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INTEGRITY AND SELF-ESTEEM

One of the more troubling changes I have noticed in younger adult learners is a serious deficit of self-esteem.  More and more students appear to be overly shy, uncertain and unwilling to proactively engage in their learning and life experiences.  They express limited or negative confidence or satisfaction in themselves or their futures.  Having a low self-image or regard in the early stages of one’s adult journey can significantly undermine one’s future prospects.

"The psychologist Nathaniel Branden, considered the father of the self-esteem movement, recognizes integrity as one of the essential pillars of self-esteem. Research by Branden and others suggests the existence of a self-reinforcing loop between integrity and self-esteem. The more integrity we practice, the more we esteem ourselves; and the more self-esteem we have, the more likely we are to exemplify congruence between our words and our actions.   When I follow up on my commitments—to others or to myself—I am sending others and myself an important message: that my thoughts, my words, and my self matter. My words are an expression of myself, and therefore when I honor my words I am honoring myself.”*

Integrity can be defined as walking your talk; keeping your word and commitments.  If you say you will be there at 11, be there at 11.  If you say you will do something, do it.  Perhaps it sounds trivial, but that is precisely the point of Branden’s research findings.  Keeping even the smallest and simplest of commitments does make you feel better about yourself. A sense of wellness does emerge and grow.  Posed another way, what does not keeping your word say about you or how others interpret you? From my own observations, I do notice that those I associate with higher integrity almost without exception also display higher degrees of self-esteem.

Positive psychologists suggest a simple program of making two or three small pledges to yourself and others, and systematically honouring them.  What quickly emerges is a sense of modest pride (one of the ten positive emotions).  As these commitments become habits, add more ambitious pledges.  Several things will occur; you will feel better about yourself, and others will think the better of you.

Make walking your talk part of who you are.

*: Even Happier: A Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-Shahar

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RUNNING FASTER or FURTHER?

When you run alone you, you run fast. But when you run together, you run further and more joyfully**. 

 Often going it alone is faster and more convenient, but does it feel better?  Doing things collaboratively can be awkward and slower, but doesn’t it feel more soulful and inclusive?

 Having been a lecturer for over thirty years, one of the most noticeable changes in the classroom culture is the focus on teamwork and co-operation.  Calling one’s colleague a team mate, doing things as groups, seeking out the quiet one, looking for input from many sources – these are just some of the improvements I can see from the more solo learning environment of my youth.  Observing from the outside, I notice a sincere and organic group learning ethos. What an impressive change! 

 I was reading about one of the most challenging sporting events around: the 26.2 mile marathon. This October, Eliud Kipchoge will attempt an amazing feat in London, trying to break the 120 minute barrier. What really struck me was that he was going to have many pace runners who would join him for short stretches and then retire.  This companionship would motivate, calibrate and rejuvenate him.  Clearly, even for marathon running, running together enables you to run more purposefully and joyfully.

 Is life about going faster or further? Is it about being first, or is it about the process as much as the destination? 

 Wellness is a process, not a destination; if you are solely focused on the end result, the actual reward will be short-lived and quickly forgotten.  Remember to err on the side of joyful and savouring experiences over efficiency, rewards or awards.  Seek out opportunities to do things with others.

 **:  Thank you my dear friend Joseph Pereira for this wonderful quote

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MEDITATION

A prominent psychiatrist (Jonathan Haidt) noted that there are essentially three ways to change one’s mind and mental health: counselling (using proven techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), medication (using drugs like Prozac), or meditation.**  If one reviews the literature about positive psychology, there is a broad consensus that meditation is an excellent way to improve one’s mental health, and indeed, many religions encourage meditative practices.

I remember when I first tried Transcendental Meditation (TM) in 1972 it was almost a cult ritual, full of mystery, rules, protocols and DON’Ts (and cost $25).  I stopped soon enough, as it was so demanding, inflexible and prescriptive.  Last year I gave meditation a second go (for free), and it was so much easier to get started – there is so much literature around about mindfulness, including many exemplar meditations online, that it was easier to find practices that spoke to me. The MBSR course (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) has some excellent materials available, and these courses are widely run across many parts of the world, being non-religious in their approach.  This time I stuck with meditation.  If I lost concentration I was gentle encouraged to re-focus and continue, which I have.  After 66 habit-forming days, the pattern of chilling out continues.

So what are some of my observations about the benefits of meditation? The first is that it encourages me to pause and re-frame my thoughts when times are anxious or tense.  Rather than fight or flight, I PAUSE and eventually do neither.  Being calmer is easier.  It gives my mind a chance to relax, which improves problem solving, planning, and creativity. I have a chance to observe my thought patterns, which are often pretty fixed and recurring, in a non-judgemental way, rather than always being at the mercy of my reactions. Despite taking time out of my day, at the end of the day I am more relaxed. I something feel a little self-conscious when asking for some time to chill out, but other than that, the benefits far outweigh the constraints on my time.

Learning to meditate is easy and convenient, requiring as little as 10 minutes a day.  A useful link to learn the breathing meditation technique is (sorry about the short ad you can skip at the start):

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMMerxh_12U  

Be kind to yourself as you will lose concentration frequently, but with some practice you will come up with your own preferred meditation practices and hopefully, see some real benefits.

**:  The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, page 43

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MUST, SHOULD OR LETTING GO

“People SHOULD be polite and queue up properly!”, “People MUST NOT throw their litter carelessly about!”, “That person SHOULD NOT speak so loudly!”  You are totally right, but where is all this should, must and righteous disappointment getting you? Certainly to a less than joyful journey of life and perhaps an earlier grave.  Stressing about the lack of correct and more thoughtful behavior of others is such an easy TRAP to get into.  You are right, they are wrong but at the end of the day that other person likely is not going to change and more likely is not aware of your fussing and complaining.

An important ingredient of well-being is tolerance; letting go of the shortfalls of others (and yourself).  Letting go means letting go of MUST and SHOULD and replacing them with MIGHT, PERHAPS and better still, WHY DO I CARE or IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. 

Clearly there are legal and moral imperatives where MUST or SHOULD totally prevails, but don’t become judge and jury unless these clear lines of acceptable conduct are crossed. Protest accordingly and assist in the enforcement of prescribed laws.  But let go of policing the small stuff, just ensure that you are acting in accordance with your values.

Tolerance and letting go are empowering and uplifting.  Not sweating the small stuff takes a lot off your emotional and stress workload.  Next time you see someone cutting in line, littering, being too loud or whatever is your issue, consider whether your fretting is getting you anywhere or likely to change the situation.

Letting go, meaning letting go. Re-focus your intolerance with an awareness of all the good that is going on around you which you were too busy ignoring.  99% of what is going around you is actually going perfectly well and in an orderly fashion.  Don’t let go of that awesomeness.

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We are NOT our Thoughts

Here’s a frightening thought and fact - the average human has between 12,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day! Or between 500 and 3,000 per hour.  85% of our thought are negative, and 95% are repetitive (as in we had the same thought yesterday and again and again).

I used to think that me and my thoughts were the same and I was my thoughts.  Well, pick any number between 12 and 70 thousand thoughts per day, does that assumption sound reasonable?  Not really.  Our thoughts are just that, a less controllable response that is a reaction, observation, conjecture or feeling that comes out of the blue and goes nowhere.  Picking up on this fact there are two important insights.

First, whereas we cannot effectively or directly control our immediate thoughts, we are not helpless or hopeless.  I am my own THOUGHT POLICE!  When you watch a violent or disturbing movie, read about untoward events, willingly associate with troublesome individuals and guess what – these inputs become part of our thoughts and thought patterns.  Similarly if you mindfully seek out constructive and joyful circumstances then the frequency of unwelcome thoughts decreases and positive thoughts become more pronounced.

Second, whereas we are not our thoughts, we are our actions.  What you do is a reflection of who you are.  Watch your thoughts and note how some become actionable and others not.  What is that trigger between thought and action.  Observe it carefully.  Too often the trigger is the trade-off and tension between immediate pleasure and longer term and more permanent wellness.  Consider what urges you internally debate as you put the thought into a deed. Or what stops you from acting out a consider thought. Are you OK with these action monitors?

Taming so many thoughts is daunting assignment.  However, one can over time turn the tide positively by watching and managing your thought input diet.  Please actively monitor the medias (social, visual, print, audio) and ask whether this is a helpful or too many of the wrong thought calories. Healthier thoughts need healthier inputs and stimuli.

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Celebrate What is Right with Your Present Moment

How do you view a half full cup ? Happy full, half empty or needing a smaller cup?

What matters is the point of view you bring to your present situation.  When you read the newspaper, visit a news website, or watch/listen to a news cast, you will notice that these tend to focus on what is wrong with our world.  Only the sports pages exalt our achievements, but then with a biased perspective. Sadly, the world seems addicted to this negative narrative and perspective, rejecting a more positive perspective as naïve or Pollyanna-like in nature.

Celebrate what is right with your situation; seek out the excellence, bounty and blessing within your present moment.  Change your point of view, change your lens of life, and seek out with the positive - RIGHT NOW!  One of the most wonderful aspects of looking for the positive is that there are many perspectives and ways to view each situation in a better light. Once you identify these, risk being in awe of them.  Don’t analyze these blessings with a critical eye and destroy the mystery, but rather enjoy them without the cynicism that seems to have invaded our cultural perspective.

While you are in the spirit of celebrating what is right with your present moment, reflect on those who you are close to, and acknowledge their good points and how they improve your present situation.  Be prepared to marvel and appreciate the good around you. 

For every wrong, failure or weakness you observe, deliberately look for an equal number of kindnesses and strengths to CELEBRATE.  This conscious reframing of your present moment will reward you with wellness.

 For further reflection:  Please do listen to the TEDx Talk by Dewitt Jones called “Celebrate what’s right with the world!” Well worth the 18 minutes of your time.

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