Do you remember the constant reminders during Covid to socially distance by staying at least two metres apart? That is not what I mean now—though the idea is somewhat similar. Psychological distancing is about creating space between your emotions and how you handle them.
Let’s say you are angry. You think, “I am angry.” All the emotional baggage of that anger comes along for the ride. Outwardly you might show impatience or rudeness. Inwardly you carry sadness or a drop in wellness. But there is another way of dealing with being angry.
It is called distancing—where you deliberately put space between an emotion and your reaction to it. Rather than saying, “I am angry”, try, “I am experiencing anger.” Or better still, use your own name: “Johan is experiencing anger.” That anger feels one step away. It is depersonalised. You can observe yourself more objectively, without getting fully caught up in the feeling.
Distancing works with negative emotions—anxiety, frustration, sadness—and positive ones—love, joy, confidence. The point is that feelings can be helpful or harmful. By stepping back, you can learn from them and shape a response you prefer.
You want more joy? By distancing from that joy, you can study it and see how to invite more of it into your life. You feel anxious? By watching yourself from the outside, you might discover what would ease that anxiety. Distancing helps you identify what is causing the anxiety (or joy) and decide how to manage that underlying tension (or bounty).
Wellness is not automatic. It needs attention and deliberate exercises. This is one of them. Next time you are in a trying—or wonderful—moment, experiment. Say, “Johan is experiencing anger… sadness… joy… peace” and see what happens.
It is simple. You are not the emotion. You are the person experiencing it. That little bit of space can change everything.
* For further insights you might want to read From a distance: Implications of spontaneous self-distancing for adaptive self-reflection. Ayduk, Ö., & Kross, E. (2010). Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(5), 809–829.