The first time something significant happens in our lives, it earns a special place in our memory archive. One of those moments for me was completing a series of counselling sessions as a typically confused university learner over fifty years ago.
As the final session ended, the counsellor said something that became one of the most profound messages I have ever heard. He said:
"Johan, you and I are essentially the same. Whatever you want, I likely want too. And whatever you don’t want, I probably don’t want either. Emotionally, we are essentially the same."
With that farewell, we parted ways. Initially, I rejected the comment. Racially, in terms of age, intellect, and almost every other aspect, we seemed highly dissimilar. But the words lingered. I pondered his comment over the years, and after about a decade, it became one of my foundational wellness principles.
With few exceptions, everyone has extremely similar emotional needs and aspirations. Outwardly, we may be very different, but inwardly, we are almost carbon copies of one another. How we express and pursue these emotional needs may vary, but we are largely coming from the same place, seeking similar outcomes.
Acknowledging and accepting our shared emotional core is empowering—especially when it comes to doing something constructive or nurturing joyful aspirations. You see something beautiful, or someone in need of a helping hand. You feel a moment of joy, a desire for understanding, or a wave of loneliness or enthusiasm—well, that stranger next to you, or even a friend, can often recognise and share that emotion. Most people will respond without judgement.
And yet, what do we do? We keep our emotions hidden, assuming others won’t understand. Too much of our wellness is privatised, silenced, hidden, or denied. What a shame!
Yes, each of us is unique and special. But that individuality shouldn’t stop us from celebrating and sharing our positive commonality and inner richness. Accepting that we are deeply similar—and hardwired to be cautious but also non-judgemental—suggests that risking kindness, openness, and emotional honesty is unlikely to backfire.
In all the years since, I can remember only a few instances when my openness was resented or had negative consequences. But the number of wonderful moments it created is too great to count.
Please, experiment with, celebrate, and share our positive commonality. It can brighten someone’s day—and yours too.